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Twin sister detectives – who moonlight as vigilante serial killers – get framed for murder by their criminology teacher, who they (now) must outwit to clear their names.
Craig, we are talking about 'two identical female serial twins' (all these words are essential) How do you tell the audience this in less words - or- the words 'spread out' over one sentence? I'm getting a headache! "... ... twins open a detective agency only to be framed for murder... Yes, this isRead more
Craig, we are talking about ‘two identical female serial twins’ (all these words are essential) How do you tell the audience this in less words – or- the words ‘spread out’ over one sentence? I’m getting a headache! “…
… twins open a detective agency only to be framed for murder… Yes, this is (one of the) hook(s)=irony (also look at my (to long)last comment.? And the twins are not “children of a murderer” but children of a ‘serial killer’. In this story this is absolutely essential.
Yes, the girls being identical twins is “the” most important beat. Them being identical means ‘their teamplay’ is extraordinary. If we were just talking about non-identical twins, there already would NOT be the same story. There would infact, not be a story at all! This story is about the ironyy that two identical female twins solve murders witout being detected as killers themselves; and them having an unique take on how to solve those murders, knowing this ‘the main essentials’ of my logline, do not change.
I like Richies version, but it does not tell that we are talking about serial killers, and also not about the fact that they are female. So there is no hook anymore, and no story. My logline has all the essentials but is to long and does not read very good.
When they are framed for murder, identical {FEMALE SERIAL TWIN} detectives must evade authorities while attempting to catch the true killer, their criminology professor.? And now, with the extra essential info, Richies former ‘smooth’ sentence sucks! HEEEEELP!!
“Something similar to that has already been done with the American cable TV series, Baxter” Precisely DPG, something similar but not quiett the same.”
DPG, This subtile is where Hollywood is running on. There is a famous Hollywood expression. Give me the same thing, only different! in Chapter 2 of “Save the cat” “Blake Snyder talks about how to dance with cliche ? you have to be in the vicinity of a cliche, because otherwise your script is probably so out there that most viewers won?t be able to relate to it at all, but not to close.”
The single unifying element, I already explained a a bit differently in this feedback, are the ‘serial twin detectives’, but BEING detectives they will Always solve ‘MURDERS’. The drawings with the cut off head shows you the hole story. http://roosterhoff.deviantart.com/art/Serial-Twins-305889927
identical twin sister detectives
See lessTwin sister detectives – who moonlight as vigilante serial killers – get framed for murder by their criminology teacher, who they (now) must outwit to clear their names.
Craig, we are talking about 'two identical female serial twins' (all these words are essential) How do you tell the audience this in less words - or- the words 'spread out' over one sentence? I'm getting a headache! "... ... twins open a detective agency only to be framed for murder... Yes, this isRead more
Craig, we are talking about ‘two identical female serial twins’ (all these words are essential) How do you tell the audience this in less words – or- the words ‘spread out’ over one sentence? I’m getting a headache! “…
… twins open a detective agency only to be framed for murder… Yes, this is (one of the) hook(s)=irony (also look at my (to long)last comment.? And the twins are not “children of a murderer” but children of a ‘serial killer’. In this story this is absolutely essential.
Yes, the girls being identical twins is “the” most important beat. Them being identical means ‘their teamplay’ is extraordinary. If we were just talking about non-identical twins, there already would NOT be the same story. There would infact, not be a story at all! This story is about the ironyy that two identical female twins solve murders witout being detected as killers themselves; and them having an unique take on how to solve those murders, knowing this ‘the main essentials’ of my logline, do not change.
I like Richies version, but it does not tell that we are talking about serial killers, and also not about the fact that they are female. So there is no hook anymore, and no story. My logline has all the essentials but is to long and does not read very good.
When they are framed for murder, identical {FEMALE SERIAL TWIN} detectives must evade authorities while attempting to catch the true killer, their criminology professor.? And now, with the extra essential info, Richies former ‘smooth’ sentence sucks! HEEEEELP!!
“Something similar to that has already been done with the American cable TV series, Baxter” Precisely DPG, something similar but not quiett the same.”
DPG, This subtile is where Hollywood is running on. There is a famous Hollywood expression. Give me the same thing, only different! in Chapter 2 of “Save the cat” “Blake Snyder talks about how to dance with cliche ? you have to be in the vicinity of a cliche, because otherwise your script is probably so out there that most viewers won?t be able to relate to it at all, but not to close.”
The single unifying element, I already explained a a bit differently in this feedback, are the ‘serial twin detectives’, but BEING detectives they will Always solve ‘MURDERS’. The drawings with the cut off head shows you the hole story. http://roosterhoff.deviantart.com/art/Serial-Twins-305889927
identical twin sister detectives
See lessTwin sister detectives – who moonlight as vigilante serial killers – get framed for murder by their criminology teacher, who they (now) must outwit to clear their names.
Yes, I like it Richiev/Livejosh, my only problem is that it does not tell us they are female. That gives my story a hook. Could make the title Killer Babes, but I like Serial Twins better. I don't know? DPG, this was the first storyline I worked on. I'ts part of Serial Twins Rising. The girls are opRead more
Yes, I like it Richiev/Livejosh, my only problem is that it does not tell us they are female. That gives my story a hook. Could make the title Killer Babes, but I like Serial Twins better. I don’t know? DPG, this was the first storyline I worked on. I’ts part of Serial Twins Rising. The girls are opducted as one month old babies from their real, loving, family by a serial killer couple who have a a desire to have children. They grow up with them to become serial killers.. But because it’s not in their genes they only kill when they think it’s justified. I also had an completely different storyline that I did not like anymore: “Twins from Hell get seperated after birth. They meet again at an conference (debating?) serial killers – organized by a cop.” (their dad who wants to wipe all competition; the other undrcover serial killer attending the conference and the important cops attending ) – Serial Twins. How they grow up (Serial Twins Rising) will be part now of the movie about them running a detective agency, solving their first murdercase . The follow up movie (comicbook) is the next case. http://roosterhoff.deviantart.com/art/Serial-Twins-305889927
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