1. Posted: November 12, 2017In:

    (short script) When a pair of bumbling friends encounter a moody Princess, one of them makes sure that she is given a lesson in humility.

    Best Answer
    savinh0 Samurai

    Agree with Richiev and dpg. I would also add at the end of your logline which specific lesson they want to teach the Princess. It boosts your whole pitch.

    Agree with Richiev and dpg.
    I would also add at the end of your logline which specific lesson they want to teach the Princess. It boosts your whole pitch.

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  2. Posted: November 1, 2017In:

    A small town reporter tells a little white-lie to boost his ego and it snowballs out of controll. He must now make that lie a reality or be shamed out of town.

    savinh0 Samurai

    Bivric, I think you have a promising idea here. White lies are always fun to watch on television. On the other hand, the construction of the logline is not good and your words are too vague. This is a renewed attempt, maybe it helps: "When his little white-lie snowballs out of control, a small townRead more

    Bivric,

    I think you have a promising idea here. White lies are always fun to watch on television.
    On the other hand, the construction of the logline is not good and your words are too vague.

    This is a renewed attempt, maybe it helps:

    “When his little white-lie snowballs out of control, a small town reporter must make that lie a reality before he gets shamed out of town.”

    But I don’t like the terms “white lie.” It’s not very specific and can mean anything. You need a strong hook in your plot to spice your concept up;
    so it can stand out against thousands of other pitches.? What specific lie did he spread and what does he have to do to make that lie a reality?

    Best,

    Savas

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  3. Posted: November 3, 2017In:

    A college student fights false accusations of rape against corrupted councelor and his rapist son to clear his reputation as stakes go higher with upcoming town elections.

    savinh0 Samurai

    This is too confusing to read and understand. I think dividing a logline like this one into two parts helps a lot. With upcoming town elections just around the corner, a college student fights against false accusations of rape spread by a corrupted councelor and his rapist son. I like the idea of aRead more

    This is too confusing to read and understand. I think dividing a logline like this one into two parts helps a lot.

    With upcoming town elections just around the corner, a college student fights against false accusations of rape spread by a corrupted councelor and his rapist son.

    I like the idea of a young person fighting against corruption at a higher level.? We also have a ticking time clock as an urgency with the upcoming elections and the objective goal is also clear.
    One little thing: Does the student want to run for office as well? That’s not clearly stated in your concept here.

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