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A bacheior must race against time to stop his apartment being invaded from a pair of talking cats.
"Must race against time to" confuses me, because I have no idea what the rush is... I'd rather see "must stop talking cats from invading his home". Also, is there anything that sets this concern off? "After a bachelor heats up a particularly aromatic TV dinner, a hungry bachelor must stop his apartmRead more
“Must race against time to” confuses me, because I have no idea what the rush is… I’d rather see “must stop talking cats from invading his home”. Also, is there anything that sets this concern off? “After a bachelor heats up a particularly aromatic TV dinner, a hungry bachelor must stop his apartment from being invaded by a pair of talking cats.” Would watch!
See lessIn order to find the real killer, a conscientious rookie detective partners with a pleasure-android, who claims the prime suspect in a murder investigation is innocent.
There's no inciting incident here. You do have an interesting pairing, although the fact that it's a pleasure-android really seems like a very random element in an otherwise cookie-cutter crime drama. Maybe give a hint at least about why this rookie would partner with it, and maybe one more word/eleRead more
There’s no inciting incident here. You do have an interesting pairing, although the fact that it’s a pleasure-android really seems like a very random element in an otherwise cookie-cutter crime drama. Maybe give a hint at least about why this rookie would partner with it, and maybe one more word/element to serve as an allusion to sci-fi.
See lessA wheelchair-bound girl must learn to use her physical abilities to save herself and friends from a pack of female zombies.
I think this is interesting, and definitely a new take on a zombie film.? I have four thoughts on it: I have no idea where these zombies came from.? Is this a zombie apocalypse?? A mishap at a lab?? Zombies from Comic-con that happen to be real?? It just seems out of the blue.? No issue with explainRead more
I think this is interesting, and definitely a new take on a zombie film.? I have four thoughts on it:
- I have no idea where these zombies came from.? Is this a zombie apocalypse?? A mishap at a lab?? Zombies from Comic-con that happen to be real?? It just seems out of the blue.? No issue with explaining what the wheel-chair bound girl is doing there.? Plenty of girls and disabilities happen, but, zombies don’t really exist so ya might want some backstory.
- Maybe phrase the logline so it includes an inciting incident.? What happens that leads up to this attack?? When a wheel-chair bound girl discovers that a group of zombies at Comic-con are real, she must use her physical abilities to save herself and her friends.
- I’d like to know a bit more about the wheelchair-bound girl’s mental state/personality with another adjective.? ?I’m guessing you’re going for a character that first needs to believe she can do the things that she needs to do, before she can do them.? Maybe “When a despairing wheelchair-bound girl…”
- I have no idea why the zombies being female is important enough to include in the logline, and it’s kind of a weird choice.? I’m assuming you have an explanation for it?? It might come off as necrophilia or something 🙂
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