Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
After her kitten was kidnapped, a girl must team up with her friends to track down the thief by invading his home.
The first thing that stands out to me... it's weird that he has to find out the "motive". I mean, if it was just to find out who did it, that's pretty straight forward, but the motive implies the detective knows who did it. So is it that he needs motive to convince him? Or some other reason? EitherRead more
The first thing that stands out to me… it’s weird that he has to find out the “motive”. I mean, if it was just to find out who did it, that’s pretty straight forward, but the motive implies the detective knows who did it. So is it that he needs motive to convince him? Or some other reason? Either give some hint as to why just the motive, or I’d just make the detective have 7 days to find out who did it.
The next main issue is that there are no stakes mentioned. There’s a time limit, which gives a bit of urgency, but, what happens if the kitten is not found in that time? You can just say “seven days to figure out the motive of the suspect or else force the police chief to end the investigation.” or… “or else the family will take matters into their own hands”… something like that.
And.. a family kitten getting kidnapped is pretty weird…. plus.. if you have a suspect and just don’t have a motive, that kind of tells me that you can just go ahead and get the kitten. If there’s no justice, it’s not a big enough deal to make a movie about, I think… despite how much I love my own cat. I mean, the cat’s fine, right?
See lessWhen a successful entomologist and his father, an army reserve, are humiliated by the public because of a new insect display that goes wrong, he must gain respect back for his family while saving his captive father from the greedy military, and uncover the secrets behind the mysterious weaponized insect before humans become the endangered species.
The things that stand out to me... "humiliated by the public because of a new insect display that goes wrong" seems like a rather obscure way for a whole family to lose respect, and I kind of think you need to say something more convincing rather than "goes wrong". Saying "Jurassic Park" went wrongRead more
The things that stand out to me…
“humiliated by the public because of a new insect display that goes wrong” seems like a rather obscure way for a whole family to lose respect, and I kind of think you need to say something more convincing rather than “goes wrong”. Saying “Jurassic Park” went wrong wouldn’t be great either. That logline mentions the dinosaurs running loose. I think your insects aren’t going to fly out of the display, but maybe it turns out to be a hoax, like with a fake insect or something? That could affect respect, at least in the scientific community.
How did his father get captured? One minute he’s a trained soldier, helping out with some science exhibit, and the next minute he’s been whisked away into a military prison?
“Greedy military” doesn’t seem right. Maybe power-hungry. However, I think we can get the idea of what the military is like by describing that they’re holding the scientist’s father for friggin’ ransom, trying to get some stash of murder hornets.
At the end, I think I see the gist of your concept. Entomologist’s research catches the military’s attention, and the scientist doesn’t want his work to be used to kill people. And unlike the movie Real Genius, they’re probably killing a whole lotta people?
I’d try writing a logline, but I’m just not buying that the military is going to kidnap his father. I can see them just commandeering the research or purchasing it for a heap of cash. A foreign government’s secret agent might do that. But I wouldn’t mention the whole deal with the display going wrong and losing respect. It may be how the military catches wind of the murder hornet research, but I don’t think it adds enough to warrant inclusion in your logline.
See lessAs her induction into a satanic coven grows near, a young half witch half human must decide whether to join her family and pledge her soul to satan in return for unlimited power, or renounce her witch abilities and immortality to remain in the human world with her friends and the boy she loves.
It's a little weird referring to a witch as a race/species like that. Another problem that's biting at me is that once she chooses, where is the story? You're missing the part about what the half witch actually needs to do. Lastly, it seems wordy. I'd try to trim it down to focus on the most key detRead more
It’s a little weird referring to a witch as a race/species like that. Another problem that’s biting at me is that once she chooses, where is the story? You’re missing the part about what the half witch actually needs to do. Lastly, it seems wordy. I’d try to trim it down to focus on the most key details to the plot and the hook. Like for instance, “join her family and” doesn’t seem to enough to warrant its inclusion in the logline. And maybe not “remaining in the human world” nor the “friends” are that important either. Stuff like that.
See less