Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
Three generations of superheroes attempt to make peace with one another against the backdrop of history.
The elements are a bit vague. Start off a logline with "After" or "As", then use a specific protag, a specific goal, the obstacles and the stake. Your "hook" is interesting; multiple superheroes in various times of historical events, but it needs to be more specific.
The elements are a bit vague. Start off a logline with “After” or “As”, then use a specific protag, a specific goal, the obstacles and the stake. Your “hook” is interesting; multiple superheroes in various times of historical events, but it needs to be more specific.
See less– Ten-year-old Arkie?s quest to find her friend Blister takes her into a strange and beautiful world, in which she must overcome her darkest fears in order to save him and fulfil her destiny
While the names are cute and quirky, don't include them in a logline (unless they are famous characters with a following). Phrases like "a strnage and beautiful worlf", and "must overcome her darkest fears" and "to save him and fulfill her destiny" are cliched and too generic. You need more specificRead more
While the names are cute and quirky, don’t include them in a logline (unless they are famous characters with a following).
Phrases like “a strnage and beautiful worlf”, and “must overcome her darkest fears” and “to save him and fulfill her destiny” are cliched and too generic. You need more specifics to YOUR story; this logline can fit almost every sci-fi or fantasy story ever written. The basic definition of a character arc is overcoming fears to fulfill a destiny (btw, watch the spelling, too).
Once you can offer up a more definitive antagonist, obstacle and “hook”, and give us the true genere you’re after, we can help with a better logline choice.
Good luck!
Geno Scala (sharkeatingman)- judge
See lessThe transformation of Angelo d?Angelo, a New York hit man who is unwittingly embraced into the bosom of a simple, rural Australian community. For the first time, Angelo learns that love and family are just as effective as any weapon he?s ever known
Resembles more of a paragraph from a query letter than an actual logline. It can be shortened considerable: "A New York hit man is unwittingly embraced by a simple Australian community and discovers that love and family are as effective as any weapon he's ever known." From 43 down to 28 words, whileRead more
Resembles more of a paragraph from a query letter than an actual logline. It can be shortened considerable:
“A New York hit man is unwittingly embraced by a simple Australian community and discovers that love and family are as effective as any weapon he’s ever known.”
From 43 down to 28 words, while keeping the heart of the story. His name would make for an excellent title, I think. Very catchy. It sounds like an interesting, fish-out-of-water concept. The original, and pared down logline lacks a few elements- goal, obstacles, antag- but the hook is clear (although “hit man-gone-good” stories have been done before).
I kind of like it!
Geno Scala (sharkeatingman) – judge
See less