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The son of a scientist is called to the future to solve the world?s oxygen crisis and save the woman he loves.
I agree with some of the others; I think lack of oxygen is perfectly credible. That being said, remember, it has to involve plant life to some degree, if not entirely. Regarding the logline: it clearly lacks the information or the intensity that would make someone NEED to read this story. Placing eqRead more
I agree with some of the others; I think lack of oxygen is perfectly credible. That being said, remember, it has to involve plant life to some degree, if not entirely.
Regarding the logline: it clearly lacks the information or the intensity that would make someone NEED to read this story. Placing equal emphasis on saving the future of mankind with “the woman he loves” is something I read a lot, and it just doesn’t make sense to me (does he not have family, life-long friends, even a dog?) When you are talking about the extinction of mankind, I’m pretty sure his love life will be affected in some way! LOL…
To me, being the “son of a scientist” does not begin to describe the protag. You’ll need to define him more dramatically, accurately and heroically.
Overall, the concept is interesting, and if the logline improves, it may just make someone important say “This I got to see! Let me read how he intends to accomplish this!”
Geno Scala- judge
See lessTwenty-year-old Nicole is a cleaner at a prestigious art college but dreams of becoming a glass blower. When a new teacher, Kiera, discovers her talent Nicole accepts her help and they form an unconventional relationship leading Nicole to a buried secret that has been kept from her since she was a child.
Too wordy, but also not enough of the "right" words that provide the important information. You can start by deleting name, age and occupation as they are essentially irrelevant to a logline (in most cases, unless, of course, the name, age and occupation IS the story). You may want to define what thRead more
Too wordy, but also not enough of the “right” words that provide the important information. You can start by deleting name, age and occupation as they are essentially irrelevant to a logline (in most cases, unless, of course, the name, age and occupation IS the story). You may want to define what the “unconventional relationship” is in greater detail, as this seems to be the entire hook of the story. Just a side note: I don’t think a potential lesbian relationship would be considered “unconventional” much longer, so I’m hoping it is something deeper. You can allude to a secret, but it best be an awesome secret. If not, then you may consider revealing that as well.
I like the concept, however, and especially the title. My hope is that her glass-blowing is significantly ironic to the story, or directly related in some way, since the emphasis is quite heavy on this aspect, as previously pointed out. Good job!
See lessIn early 1997, Anu Singh, a young law student at the Australian National University, began to tell many people she was planning to kill herself. As her mental and emotional state disintegrated, her plans grew more bizarre and macabre, concerning her boyfriend Joe Cinque. In October she knocked Joe out with Rohypnol and then injected him with a lethal dose of heroin. Nobody tried to stop her.
It doesn't sound like much of a logline, as it is missing many of the important elements. It sounds as if Anu may be the protag, as someone with a mental disorder of some type, but she went from wanting to commit suicide to murder? Lost me there. There is no conflict or character arc displayed. MuchRead more
It doesn’t sound like much of a logline, as it is missing many of the important elements. It sounds as if Anu may be the protag, as someone with a mental disorder of some type, but she went from wanting to commit suicide to murder? Lost me there. There is no conflict or character arc displayed. Much too wordy as well, but once you learn what the elements are in a logline (you can research how to write a logline right here on this site), Im sure you could cut this down to under thirty words.
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