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On the anniversary of her husband’s death a widower’s life outlook is called into question by the arrival of her husband’s blind friend.
What is her life outlook? Bleak? That would give a hint at why it's called into question. Also, maybe "challenged" is better than called into question. More action and conflict oriented. Is there a reason the friend is blind? Does that have bearing on the story? Is there a romantic correlation betweRead more
What is her life outlook? Bleak? That would give a hint at why it’s called into question. Also, maybe “challenged” is better than called into question. More action and conflict oriented.
Is there a reason the friend is blind? Does that have bearing on the story?
Is there a romantic correlation between the two? If so, I think hinting at that could also be good to get the audience interested.
See lessWhen her daughter is sent to hospital after being attacked, a mother tries to find the assailants regardless of the consequences.
I know it's a short film, but I feel like there could be a little more detail here. It feels a little short for a logline, which is unusual, people are usually struggling to make them shorter! I think descriptive words of the characters would be good, is the mother normally mousy and quiet and thisRead more
I know it’s a short film, but I feel like there could be a little more detail here. It feels a little short for a logline, which is unusual, people are usually struggling to make them shorter!
I think descriptive words of the characters would be good, is the mother normally mousy and quiet and this is a departure for her or is she a badass tough lady? Who attacks the daughter? Drug dealers? A teenage rapist? Gang members? The more angry your audience the more they will be on board with your main character tracking them down.
Again, it’s very clear and I wouldn’t change the structure, I would just add more description.
See lessWaiting for the results of a tests, Marc, a boy with cancer, meets Oscar in a hospital. The two young men end up having an exciting relationship, deciding to take a trip around the world. But not everything is what it seems, there is always something left of the cancer on Marc and secrets they try hide, which will soon come to light.
This leaves a lot of questions. When you say boy, I picture a child. But then you say they take a trip around the world, but I thought he was in the hospital awaiting test results. Is this exciting relationship a friendship or a romance? I don't understand the goal of the main character, is it to taRead more
This leaves a lot of questions. When you say boy, I picture a child. But then you say they take a trip around the world, but I thought he was in the hospital awaiting test results. Is this exciting relationship a friendship or a romance? I don’t understand the goal of the main character, is it to take a trip before he dies? Also, it’s quite long and wordy for a logline which should really be one sentence if it can be.
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