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The ruler of militant state decides to make war against the peaceful Flavestina and conquer it. Relying on his army, he doesn’t at once accept his Astrologer’s advice: to use magic for sure victory. The magic ritual, however, will require stealing the Golden Cup from the altar of the Temple of the Sun in Flavestina. Army and magic against love and courage: who will win?
What kind of ruler is he? Inexperienced, young, headstrong, etc... What does he actually do in the story? Your first 3 sentences describe the setup of the movie (2 sentences too long), and you never actually describe what happens, what the ruler's main 'quest' is. Where does "love" enter the pictureRead more
What kind of ruler is he? Inexperienced, young, headstrong, etc…
What does he actually do in the story? Your first 3 sentences describe the setup of the movie (2 sentences too long), and you never actually describe what happens, what the ruler’s main ‘quest’ is. Where does “love” enter the picture?
You could narrow that setup down to half a sentence- “Convinced by his top advisors to invade a neighboring peaceful country, an inexperienced ruler…[WHAT HE DOES].” Something like that-
See lessAn insecure process server becomes the target of a serial killer and teams up with a private investigator to catch the killer and regains his self confidence.
Yes, I would get rid of the "regains his self-confidence" part, mainly because your description of the protagonist as "insecure" implies the inner journey he'll be taking anyway. Also, now you have room to describe the actual story more. Either why he is a target, or what kind of serial killer it isRead more
Yes, I would get rid of the “regains his self-confidence” part, mainly because your description of the protagonist as “insecure” implies the inner journey he’ll be taking anyway.
Also, now you have room to describe the actual story more. Either why he is a target, or what kind of serial killer it is (which might suggest why the protagonist is a target). You might also want to attach an adjective to the PI if there’s a buddy relationship that is explored. Maybe he’s hardened, volatile, disillusioned, risk-taking, whatever…
See lessAt the turn of the 20th century, after an affair with a young Catholic Nun, a priest is enveloped in her kidnap and public fight against his Church, until finally, he renounces his faith to be with her on her deathbed.
You have some potentially interesting elements which is good. But they are not really tied together, so it feels like a bunch of disparate plot elements. There's an affair, a public fight against the Church, and a kidnapping, all of which seem to allude to an?interesting story. But I still don't reaRead more
You have some potentially interesting elements which is good. But they are not really tied together, so it feels like a bunch of disparate plot elements.
There’s an affair, a public fight against the Church, and a kidnapping, all of which seem to allude to an?interesting story. But I still don’t really know what the main plot is!
See less