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When a suitcase full of 'dirty money' falls from a balcony along with a Japanese businessman, a penniless young Londoner steals the case, a Yakuza enforcer is sent to track him down and an epic battle begins on the streets of East London.
While I like the idea and setting you need to streamline your logline here. There are simply to many words. The essence, all you need, is "when an event happens, the Main Character must do X". "When a penniless young Londorer get's his hands on a suitcase full of money, he must flee the suitcase ownRead more
While I like the idea and setting you need to streamline your logline here. There are simply to many words. The essence, all you need, is “when an event happens, the Main Character must do X”.
“When a penniless young Londorer get’s his hands on a suitcase full of money, he must flee the suitcase owners; the Yakuza.”
If I where you, I would problably try to add an “or else” scenario. And how will the “battle” in east London happen? Will he try to escape, fight them? What must the character do?
Hope that helps =)
Gustaf/Storyutbildningen
See lessPosing as a prostitute, a moral housewife penetrates the underground sex-trade in order to find her missing gigolo son.
:D Thank you!
😀 Thank you!
See lessA young man with no memory except for the last five years finds out he's an android sent to infiltrate the human race before the aliens arrive to take over earth. He must now save his new home from his own masters depsite just now starting to know his own powers.
Thanks for the feedback. I've rewrote the logline like this: A young amnisiac finds out he's a superpowered android sent to infiltrate earth before an alien invasion. He must now fight both the aliens and the distrusting military in order to save the world and his foster family. I'm not sure about tRead more
Thanks for the feedback.
I’ve rewrote the logline like this:
A young amnisiac finds out he’s a superpowered android sent to infiltrate earth before an alien invasion. He must now fight both the aliens and the distrusting military in order to save the world and his foster family.
I’m not sure about the last part if I should make the stakes character the family who took care of him when he crashed on earth or a human girl he fell in love with.
See less