1. Posted: March 5, 2013In:

    When a mysterious organization starts hunting down a self-loathing shapeshifter who doesn't like using his powers, he and his reluctant girlfriend – the only one that knows his secret – are forced to either take them head-on or die trying.

    SydneyPaul

    Hi - a few questions from the above that may help shape it.... * does the mysterious organisation have a motivation? (ie is opposed to shapeshifting / people with powers; is trying to get the powers for evil use, etc?) * what is the girlfriend 'reluctant' about - is she reluctant to be the girlfrienRead more

    Hi – a few questions from the above that may help shape it….
    * does the mysterious organisation have a motivation? (ie is opposed to shapeshifting / people with powers; is trying to get the powers for evil use, etc?)
    * what is the girlfriend ‘reluctant’ about – is she reluctant to be the girlfriend of a shapeshifter, or reluctant to take on the task (which may not need stating – of course anyone would be reluctant to take on a task in which they could ‘die trying’). In any case ‘reluctant’ is pretty passive, perhaps the girlfriend could be a more quirky character, who ultimately proves crucial to winning – eg a brainy girlfriend who can help discover the weak spot of the antagonists?
    * Can you hint at how will they take on the mysterious organisation, and how this may change the character/s?

    So for what it’s worth (feel free to disregard!):
    “With an evil organisation hunting him for his gift, a shapeshifter who detests his secret, supported only by his professor girlfriend, are forced to use everything in their power to take on the assailants.”

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  2. Posted: March 5, 2013In:

    Desperate to be free of his well meaning but molly-coddling family, a fiesty free-spirited granddad fakes his own death – with unintended consequences.

    SydneyPaul

    Spot on timmyelliot, thanks for that good feedback. What I've thought through the most, obviously, is the premise, which hopefully works. But the "unintended consequences" is much much too vague (a good lesson in the value of the logline in indicating where the gaps are). So perhaps something like:Read more

    Spot on timmyelliot, thanks for that good feedback. What I’ve thought through the most, obviously, is the premise, which hopefully works. But the “unintended consequences” is much much too vague (a good lesson in the value of the logline in indicating where the gaps are).

    So perhaps something like:
    “Desperate to be free of his well meaning but molly-coddling family, a fiesty free-spirited granddad fakes his own death ? but with his family facing a crisis that only he can solve, staying dead won’t be easy”

    Any thoughts? Thanks

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  3. Posted: February 23, 2013In:

    A reckless government agent learns his long lost brother is a test subject of a government experiment, leading him to team with terrorists to mount a rescue.

    SydneyPaul

    I agree with Blajay very much - having the protag move out of his usual space provides conflict (if he is already 'reckless' then teaming up with terrorists aint a big move). Also, thinking about the 'terrorists' to make them a bit more redeemable, overtime, thus justifying (possibly) the teaming upRead more

    I agree with Blajay very much – having the protag move out of his usual space provides conflict (if he is already ‘reckless’ then teaming up with terrorists aint a big move). Also, thinking about the ‘terrorists’ to make them a bit more redeemable, overtime, thus justifying (possibly) the teaming up with them, could be a useful way to go – so that the audience perhaps the question is raised – who are the real terrorists – the rebels or the govt doing experiments on the guys brother?

    So building on Blajays, how about:
    “When a well decorated federal agent learns his long lost brother is a test subject of a government experiment, his only hope is to team with ‘cyber terrorists’ to mount a rescue.?

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