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An ex convict must rescue his granddaughter from sex traffickers who might be a part of a prostitution ring.
I'd get rid of the "who might be a part of a prostitution ring" part. INTENTION: rescue his granddaughter. OBSTACLE: sex traffickers. It lacks a hook that separates it from "Taken". How about... -? An escaped convict must rescue his granddaughter from the same sex traffickers, whom he inadvertentlyRead more
I’d get rid of the “who might be a part of a prostitution ring” part.
INTENTION: rescue his granddaughter.
OBSTACLE: sex traffickers.
It lacks a hook that separates it from “Taken”.
How about…
-? An escaped convict must rescue his granddaughter from the same sex traffickers, whom he inadvertently helped to break free. (I’m not sure if the hook/twist is strong enough here.)
-? When his granddaughter is taken by sex traffickers, a convict, a former FBI agent, is given 24 hrs to find the men responsible. (We’ve got a ticking clock/deadline.)
-? When his granddaughter is taken by sex traffickers, an ex-con returns to his old ways to find the men responsible. (Very tired and cliche.)
– An ex-con must return to prison and kill a criminal mastermind or else sex traffickers will kill his granddaughter.
(This is similar to BRAWL IN CELL BLOCK 99. Which may I add, is a pretty cool film ha.)
Admittedly, none of these have that strong hook – but I’m spit balling.
Good luck!
See lessWhen he learns the one that got away is getting, a man sets about winning her back, with the help of the fiance’s ex, only to fall for her as well.
So what's your advice here?Go in with the original logline or the black sheep one?TBH - I think I'm at the point where I need to send it to my manager or to get coverage or whatever (and basically get my hand slapped and see what I've done wrong) and then tweak the logline. And then, most likely - rRead more
So what’s your advice here?
Go in with the original logline or the black sheep one?
TBH – I think I’m at the point where I need to send it to my manager or to get coverage or whatever (and basically get my hand slapped and see what I’ve done wrong) and then tweak the logline. And then, most likely – rewrite the script.
I suppose that’s the nature of the beast… it’s never really over.
See lessWhen he learns the one that got away is getting, a man sets about winning her back, with the help of the fiance’s ex, only to fall for her as well.
Bear with me, it's all quite raw still.Thank you for your time and in-depth comparison to Romeo and Juliet.Okay here goes...The MPR - the black sheep sister's dilemma (mended relationship with sister vs undermining sister's wedding/ falling for this guy and getting this guy back with ex.) Which is yRead more
Bear with me, it’s all quite raw still.
Thank you for your time and in-depth comparison to Romeo and Juliet.
Okay here goes…
The MPR – the black sheep sister’s dilemma (mended relationship with sister vs undermining sister’s wedding/ falling for this guy and getting this guy back with ex.) Which is yes – an interesting dilemma.
The guy’s dilemma (he has a chance/opening with the one that got away vs he is falling for this woman who he previously despised.)
I’d like to point out this occurs in compressed time (24 hours) – before a wedding.
The guy (despite his growing feelings) rejects the black sheep sister, goes after the bride (who confides in him that she’s pregnant and is genuinely and madly in love with the groom to be) and it’s around here he gets hit by the cold hard reality of what he’s doing and comes back down to earth.
The wedding happens – it’s here, after much talk about stopping a wedding, our guy stays seated for the “if there is anyone here who objects to this wedding” part.
The sister misses the wedding but turns up drunkenly for the wedding reception. She is drunk, bitter, resentful.
It’s here all the plotting/scheming comes out in a fight with the sister. The guy and black sheep sister get kicked out he wedding and fight and then go their separate ways.
Weeks later, the guy realises he was actually in love with the black sheep sister and actively plots to win her back – only to discover she too, is now getting married, to the rich jerk (who kept making advances towards her) at the wedding.
(However – this connects to the beginning, as we learn the wedding is a manufactured one. She’s marrying for money/publicity/to regain the fame she lost. The rich jerk just needs a beard.
Hollywood as the land of make-believe and illusion is all set up at the start.)
In this synthesis – the guy teams with the bride (who yeah, he mends things with) to stop the sister from making a huge mistake. And yeah – he pretty much has a huge mess to clean up anyways.
And maybe the guy does, too, but don?t the bonds of family mean she has a deeper emotional and personal investment ? stakes ? in the outcome? She?s embroiled emotionally in a family fight.
You got me there. But as far as I know, Aristotle’s “tragic deed” – the most horrible terrible thing (which should be kept in the family) can still happen to a family relation or someone like family, as Jack is to Rose in Titanic.
I do totally understand where you’re coming from though – regarding your 2.5 cents. Right now – it’s not the story I have on me. (Not that I’m totally locked into it.)
Again – I either need to send this one out and get beaten up (and see what so-and-so thinks of the script in its unity) and then rework the logline or I need to get a lot of distance to see where I’ve made a huge cock-up.
Again – thank you for your time (and use of Aristotle).
P.S. – Currently reading David Mamet’s “Three Uses of the Knife” and it is dense.
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