Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
A desperate griffin fights through a horde of zombies to capture the only thing that will return his family?s honor, an immune human.
I like it. Much clearer. Just a couple of suggestions. "immune human" may leave the question, immune from what? I'd think most would assume you're talking about the zombie plague, but it might not be completely obvious. Maybe the "immunity" could be dropped from the logline and left to be revealed iRead more
I like it. Much clearer. Just a couple of suggestions.
“immune human” may leave the question, immune from what? I’d think most would assume you’re talking about the zombie plague, but it might not be completely obvious. Maybe the “immunity” could be dropped from the logline and left to be revealed in your script, using words like, “sole surviving” or “last” or even “living.”
I’m not sure how much information I am bringing from reading your previous versions. I know what you mean when you write “desperate griffin.” I’m not sure if it would be clear to someone reading your logline for the first time. I am wondering if it is clear that you literally talking about the mythological griffin. Actually, instead of saying “desperate” (since it is assumed, given it has to fight through a horde of zombies), maybe say, “mythological” or “genetically engineered, or whatever this creature is.
See lessIn a world with real monsters, a desperate griffin and his team fight through the expanding zombie horde to deliver an immune human to their superiors.
For me, I think the problem is that there are too many good ideas here. For instance, I'm counting 5 players: real monsters, a,griffin (a monster), the team (of monsters), zombies (also a type of monster?), an immune human (type of human, i.e. the immune kind), superiors (monsters). It might be easiRead more
For me, I think the problem is that there are too many good ideas here.
For instance, I’m counting 5 players:
real monsters, a,griffin (a monster), the team (of monsters), zombies (also a type of monster?), an immune human (type of human, i.e. the immune kind), superiors (monsters).
It might be easier juggling so many characters if it was a real world, because you could rely on the reader making assumptions. Here it gets overwhelming. I’d consider dropping the number to, say, 3. Sure, you loose some of the detail, but too much detail seems to be the problem.
“In a world” sounds a little too Don LaFontaine.
Its a fun story. I like seeing all the updates.
See lessWhile undercover, an earnest detective falls in love with a criminal. But when he aides her during a bust, the pair fight to escape the country together.
Originally, this looked like a generic noir story, with the hardboiled detective and Femme Fatale, but after seeing the playful (and good!) title, it feels like this is a comedy? I'm liking it.
Originally, this looked like a generic noir story, with the hardboiled detective and Femme Fatale, but after seeing the playful (and good!) title, it feels like this is a comedy? I’m liking it.
See less