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After a reformed ex-gang member's sister is raped and left for dead, he struggles to walk the straight and narrow as his stepmother blames him.
I like the setup so far, ex-gang member, raped sister, guilt-tripping mother. I'd like to hear more about what he specifically does about his situation: "he struggles to walk the straight and narrow" is a little vague. It could almost apply to any good guy in any story.
I like the setup so far, ex-gang member, raped sister, guilt-tripping mother. I’d like to hear more about what he specifically does about his situation: “he struggles to walk the straight and narrow” is a little vague. It could almost apply to any good guy in any story.
See lessDesperate to be free of his well meaning but molly-coddling family, a fiesty free-spirited granddad fakes his own death – with unintended consequences.
To me the change sounds stronger. I would even clarify this part, "with his family facing a crisis that only he can solve." For instance, "when the town banker forecloses on the family mansion," or "when a mysterious beneficiary shows up to claim the estate" or "when the children erupt into an inherRead more
To me the change sounds stronger. I would even clarify this part, “with his family facing a crisis that only he can solve.” For instance, “when the town banker forecloses on the family mansion,” or “when a mysterious beneficiary shows up to claim the estate” or “when the children erupt into an inheritance feud” or whatever…
See lessDesperate to be free of his well meaning but molly-coddling family, a fiesty free-spirited granddad fakes his own death – with unintended consequences.
This sounds fun. My main suggestion relates to the phrase "with unintended consequences." It's too general. I mean, isn't that the unstated promise of every story? Otherwise, the story would be boring and predictable. Personally, I'd switch that phrase with something that gives us a better idea of tRead more
This sounds fun.
My main suggestion relates to the phrase “with unintended consequences.” It’s too general. I mean, isn’t that the unstated promise of every story? Otherwise, the story would be boring and predictable.
Personally, I’d switch that phrase with something that gives us a better idea of the conflict.
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