1. Posted: March 6, 2013In:

    A fast-talking drifter recruits a supernatural team to help him steal Pandora?s Box from Lucifer, in order to be reinstated as heaven?s Angel of Darkness.

    timmyelliot

    I love the idea. A supernatural version of Ocean's 11, Magnificent-Seven-Samurai.

    I love the idea. A supernatural version of Ocean’s 11, Magnificent-Seven-Samurai.

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  2. Posted: March 9, 2013In:

    An attractive young hustler sets out on her usual night of picking up men to drug and rob blind, until she meets a man who?s seen it all before.

    timmyelliot

    I like the situation so far. The hook works. So what happens? What's her goal? What's the stakes? So far I just see a description of the first scene.

    I like the situation so far. The hook works. So what happens? What’s her goal? What’s the stakes? So far I just see a description of the first scene.

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  3. Posted: March 8, 2013In:

    A lonely night time worker, at a weather station, has gotten tired of his pathetic life, whose wife and children don?t even respect him, when suddenly he meets a woman at work who will change his life for the better ? and the worse.

    timmyelliot

    I understand the worker's desire. I have a strong idea of his motivation. What's his goal? I assume the stakes are the wife and children (but it could also be his job). I don't think you need the first two commas. It seems to me that you're hinting at the character arc with the phrase "will change hRead more

    I understand the worker’s desire. I have a strong idea of his motivation. What’s his goal? I assume the stakes are the wife and children (but it could also be his job).

    I don’t think you need the first two commas.

    It seems to me that you’re hinting at the character arc with the phrase “will change his life…” I don’t think that’s needed. We expect the main character to change.

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