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When a perfectionist hitman kills the wrong man he has only two hours to find out what went wrong before the Mob can take its brutal revenge.
I like it. You established the character's need (perfectionist who screws up) and a ticking clock with the mob. Based the logline, I see the action of the story as being, "to find out." It sounds cerebral. It works as a mystery, but I'm wondering if you can add more. Make it more visceral. I don't kRead more
I like it. You established the character’s need (perfectionist who screws up) and a ticking clock with the mob.
Based the logline, I see the action of the story as being, “to find out.” It sounds cerebral. It works as a mystery, but I’m wondering if you can add more. Make it more visceral. I don’t know, maybe have the mob chasing him right from the start?
See less2366: Earth is on the verge of collapse and the wealthy Convert themselves into android bodies for life extension to travel to New Earth, 103 years away. When Conversion for a corrupt detective finds him malfunctioning on a garbage tip and his family nowhere in sight he has three days to repair his body, find his family and get on the ship to New Earth before it leaves.
Richiev great comment, as usual.
Richiev great comment, as usual.
See lessA gypsy has drugs to pick up in Chicago, while a lesbian ballerina thinks they?re sharing gas across the county to see family, but when she finds out the truth she picks up a rock and throws it at his face. With no money to get them home, and an appointment to keep with a drug dealer the couple decides to finish the job.
I second what nicholasandrewwhalls said. He said everything that I was going to say (and more)... and he said it better than I could have.
I second what nicholasandrewwhalls said. He said everything that I was going to say (and more)… and he said it better than I could have.
See less