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In the final moments before facing the firing squad, the charismatic leader of a murderous robbery gang makes one last request: to have her confession heard by the priest who was once her lover.
....or -- going down the spiritual/ metaphysical route: A murderous bank robber on death row must forgive her ex lover, the prison's Priest, for jilting her, if he is to save her soul by administering her the last rites. Long way from perfect (but I think this is the jist of your premise? But I'm stRead more
….or — going down the spiritual/ metaphysical route:
A murderous bank robber on death row must forgive her ex lover, the prison’s Priest, for jilting her, if he is to save her soul by administering her the last rites.
Long way from perfect (but I think this is the jist of your premise? But I’m still a bit confused — Isn’t it the duty of Catholic Priest’s to forgive those on death row regardless of the criminal asking for forgiveness for their crimes..?) — but I think you can do away with your current first sentence, as well as “When they meet again…” Simply by stating that he’s her ex (or childhood sweetheart or whatever…) is enough to suggest that they have a past… or are meeting again etc…
See lessIn the final moments before facing the firing squad, the charismatic leader of a murderous robbery gang makes one last request: to have her confession heard by the priest who was once her lover.
Nir...lol. I know I said I'd leave this thread well and truly behind -- but as I have noticed you HAVE actually taken on some of the feedback in the latest iteration of the logline (and lo and behold, it's starting to make some sense...) I can't resist: "...only hope for escape" -- is this an actualRead more
Nir…lol.
I know I said I’d leave this thread well and truly behind — but as I have noticed you HAVE actually taken on some of the feedback in the latest iteration of the logline (and lo and behold, it’s starting to make some sense…) I can’t resist:
“…only hope for escape” — is this an actual PHYSICAL escape from the prison, or a more metaphysical escape from a likely Hell if she does not ask for forgiveness? Clarity on this is crucial to an understanding of the TYPE of film this is…genre or what-have-you (although — apparently this doesn’t matter, cos you just have to explain the film to your cast and crew, who are already apparently familiar with the project… which means I’m completely baffled as to why your posting it here at all…)
If you want to make the logline even more appealing, or show that you’re a savvy, efficient, professional screenwriter (oh, I meant DIRECTOR that writes screenplays…) you could cut down the word count a tad — it’s currently at 44 words and two sentences — I reckon, now that I have a better idea of the story (well, kinda…) you could get this to one sentence and under 30 words (this is my take based upon a PHYSICAL escape from the prison…):
An incarcerated charismatic bank robber must convince her childhood sweetheart -the prison’s Priest, to help her and her murderous gang escape before they are all executed at dawn.
See lessIn the final moments before facing the firing squad, the charismatic leader of a murderous robbery gang makes one last request: to have her confession heard by the priest who was once her lover.
Nir...lol. I know I said I'd leave this thread well and truly behind -- but as I have noticed you HAVE actually taken on some of the feedback in the latest iteration of the logline (and lo and behold, it's starting to make some sense...) I can't resist: "...only hope for escape" -- is this an actualRead more
Nir…lol.
I know I said I’d leave this thread well and truly behind — but as I have noticed you HAVE actually taken on some of the feedback in the latest iteration of the logline (and lo and behold, it’s starting to make some sense…) I can’t resist:
“…only hope for escape” — is this an actual PHYSICAL escape from the prison, or a more metaphysical escape from a likely Hell if she does not ask for forgiveness? Clarity on this is crucial to an understanding of the TYPE of film this is…genre or what-have-you (although — apparently this doesn’t matter, cos you just have to explain the film to your cast and crew, who are already apparently familiar with the project… which means I’m completely baffled as to why your posting it here at all…)
If you want to make the logline even more appealing, or show that you’re a savvy, efficient, professional screenwriter (oh, I meant DIRECTOR that writes screenplays…) you could cut down the word count a tad — it’s currently at 44 words and two sentences — I reckon, now that I have a better idea of the story (well, kinda…) you could get this to one sentence and under 30 words (this is my take based upon a PHYSICAL escape from the prison…):
An incarcerated charismatic bank robber must convince her childhood sweetheart -the prison’s Priest, to help her and her murderous gang escape before they are all executed at dawn.
See less