Something else to maybe consider, particularly in regards to time travel stories and ticking clocks — in Back to the Future Marty is trapped in 1955, and his only hope back to the future (present) is the lightning strike on the clock-tower — one tiny little shot and a clear and present ticking clock (and it’s literal as it takes the form of a CLOCK tower…)– he HAS to get his parents together before that lightning strikes or he’ll either cease to exist, or at best, be trapped in good ol 1955 for good. Mega high stakes and a loud clicking clock.

In Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure — they too are trapped in a time warp as the antenna on their public phone cum time machine is busted — what’s the ticking clock? They have to present their history project by the close of the school day. As Nicholasanrewhalls mentioned, they do a bit of tom foolery to work around this when they end up getting locked up — but still they are trapped, and there is a deadline.

In Hot-tub Time Machine — they have to retrieve the can of Chernobly before a certain time (12 o’clock — or something, I forget…) or they too will be trapped in 1986…

So — If your Math guy gets caught in a time warp, trapping him in the 13th century, what does he have to do to get back?

Anyway — good luck with it. Hopefully my earlier post doesn’t come across too harshly — I’ve just got a thing about time travel movies 🙂

Hi Caleb,

At 42 words it?s pretty long for what?s, I?m assuming, less than ten minutes worth of story. There are definitely some things that could be guillotined?

— Does the fact that it takes place on NYE 1999 having any bearing on the plot? If not, I think you could drop it from the logline.

— ..homeless street beggar struggles to stay afloat in life seeking a place to rest?? ? the fact that he?s a street beggar would imply that he struggles to stay afloat in life??, so that could get dropped as well, just imo.

Also, I?m a bit confused over who I?m supposed to be following ? the homeless man, the paramedic, or both? If it’s a case of the two plot lines running simultaneously and then meeting up at the end, I’d be assuming that the drug-addicted paramedic must save the life of the homeless man..? If this is the case then I’d suggest stating the event that causes these two worlds to collide. It also starts to feel like the paramedic is perhaps the more intriguing protag.

In its current form it feels like it’s trying to be intriguing as opposed to clearly setting up a big event that happens to an interesting character that actually is intriguing …”…that will forever change both of their lives.” might be a contributing factor…

Anyway — best of luck with revisions to a potentially interesting short.