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When a brilliant but unruly CIA agent is unexpectedly assigned to find a missing Chinese dissident, he soon realises all is not what it seems. Not knowing who to trust, his loyalties to friends, family and country are tested to the limit.
This is pretty good -- but 'his trust and loyalty to his friends, family and country will be tested to the limit' means you're left asking 'Why?'. I don't think you have to give the whole game away, just maybe be more specific in regards to the 'why'. The 'hook' here, in my mind, would be the fact tRead more
This is pretty good — but ‘his trust and loyalty to his friends, family and country will be tested to the limit’ means you’re left asking ‘Why?’. I don’t think you have to give the whole game away, just maybe be more specific in regards to the ‘why’. The ‘hook’ here, in my mind, would be the fact that his friends and family are somehow involved — I think the logline could make more of this:
‘The CIA?s most brilliant but unruly agent will do anything to uncover the truth after discovering his friends, family, and the CIA itself are involved in the disappearance of a Chinese dissident.’
You could even be more specific as to WHO — as in, his ‘best friend’ (?), his ‘Brother’ (?), his ‘Wife’ etc etc..
Anyway — best of luck with it — certainly has potential for a cool spy thriller…
See lessNeeding to make ends meet, a recovering alcoholic's sobriety is tested when she returns to bartending at her father's tavern.
Hi Bmonkey, I agree with both of the above - concise, yet revealing a sympathetic and strong character; dpg's take certainly ups the ante... Below is just my spin: After escaping from her abusive boyfriend with their three year old daughter, a recovering alcoholic accepts a job at her estranged FathRead more
Hi Bmonkey,
I agree with both of the above – concise, yet revealing a sympathetic and strong character; dpg’s take certainly ups the ante… Below is just my spin:
After escaping from her abusive boyfriend with their three year old daughter, a recovering alcoholic accepts a job at her estranged Father’s bar, only to uncover his dark secret.
Regardless — best of luck, lotso potentialo.
See lessOn the eve of the year 2000, a homeless street beggar struggles to stay afloat in life seeking a place to rest his weary soul while a drug-addicted Sydney paramedic responds to a call that will forever change both of their lives.
The premise in your current logline = A homeless person tires to finds a place to rest while a drug addicted paramedic responds to a call. -- No direct causal link, forces me to hazard at guesses to how they relate, which doesn't mean "Send me that script -- I have to know how they could possibly reRead more
The premise in your current logline = A homeless person tires to finds a place to rest while a drug addicted paramedic responds to a call.
— No direct causal link, forces me to hazard at guesses to how they relate, which doesn’t mean “Send me that script — I have to know how they could possibly relate..”, but “I can’t see how they relate, so I don’t care…so lets pass on that one…got any others?”
Versus –> “…the story of an estranged father and a daughter coming together under the most unlikely circumstances bringing closure on their relationship.”
Whilst the latter is not sufficient for a logline, it’s telling me more about what this movie is about — it’s the meat of the story, the most important part — that’s what needs to be incorporated in the logline, imo. This is potentially juicy stuff which has the potential for a feature — in fact, if you haven’t written it yet, I find it hard to see how you would manage to fit it into a short — sounds like you would need a good chunk of set-up… I know I’d struggle — but maybe that’s just me, king of verbosity 😉
Anyway — best of luck again.
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