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A young widow's son is kidnapped by a serial killer and will only be freed if she finishes his final murders and thus giving him an alibi.
I agree with the above points -- a big issue is that the focus is on the antag's goal -- maybe try dropping ...'thus giving him an alibi...'. What about: 'When a grieving widow?s son is kidnapped by a sadistic killer she must meet his terms to kill his next victim if she is ever to see her son aliveRead more
I agree with the above points — a big issue is that the focus is on the antag’s goal — maybe try dropping …’thus giving him an alibi…’. What about:
‘When a grieving widow?s son is kidnapped by a sadistic killer she must meet his terms to kill his next victim if she is ever to see her son alive again.’
…that is of course if the widow is your protagonist — hard to discern from the logline in it’s current state.
Anyway, best of luck.
See lessA carefree college student attempts to host a huge party for his friends during the initial days of a zombie outbreak.
Interesting point raised by dpg there. I don't think your shooting for a comedy, but if the main premise is that your guy is sooo desperate for his party to be a success that he does everything in his power to stop the guests realizing there is a zombie outbreak occurring outside you could be onto aRead more
Interesting point raised by dpg there. I don’t think your shooting for a comedy, but if the main premise is that your guy is sooo desperate for his party to be a success that he does everything in his power to stop the guests realizing there is a zombie outbreak occurring outside you could be onto a winner. I could envision a scene where either a zombie or zombies get in and your guy makes out like they’re just drugged out guests (or even the booked band!…;)…) — in terms of plausibility — I think it would work if he’s planning this massive party to raise funds for whatever, THEN he learns of the outbreak, but the party has started, and his mission is to keep the zombies out — not to save his or his guests skin, but to make the party a success…. Risky Business versus Shawn of the Dead 😉
Anyway — good luck with it.
See lessHoping to win her affection, an emotionally stunted middle-manager plans a 21st birthday party for the sister of his recently deceased best friend.
It's got potential, but seems to fall over in a few places --- if the goal is to 'get the girl', his plan to do this by way of impressing her with his mighty organisational skills sees a bit off. What if she charged him with organising the funeral for her brother? His then got a constant reminder ofRead more
It’s got potential, but seems to fall over in a few places — if the goal is to ‘get the girl’, his plan to do this by way of impressing her with his mighty organisational skills sees a bit off. What if she charged him with organising the funeral for her brother? His then got a constant reminder of the best friend to rack him with guilt over his lustful thoughts… just a thought.
I also agree with the points raised in regards for the need of a competitor — In the world of Romantic Comedy (which is the genre I get from the logline) this is almost a must — if not, there needs to be a strong antagonist to the goal of getting the girl … I’m not sure if ’emotionally stunted’ is strong enough in this regard… Obviously in the past the main block to the girl would’ve been her brother — but seeing as he’s dead now….
You could also have a look at his occupation — middle level management is pretty broad — middle management for a small cleaning company is a far cry from middle management for a large multinational conglomerate.
Anyway — hope any of that helps. Best of luck.
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