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When a computer dependant family decides to go back to basics on a gadget free weekend, things take a turn for the worse when they become lost in the wilderness.
"When a bankrupt workaholic Father escapes his murderous creditors by stealing away into the wilderness with his tech obsessed family, he must somehow learn to survive before they all become part of the food chain." This is bit long in word count, and maybe not a true reflection of your story... I tRead more
“When a bankrupt workaholic Father escapes his murderous creditors by stealing away into the wilderness with his tech obsessed family, he must somehow learn to survive before they all become part of the food chain.”
This is bit long in word count, and maybe not a true reflection of your story…
I think your first statement in your last post is probably closer to a strong logline than what is posted — which seems more focussed on CONCEPT as opposed to STORY… and unfortunately reminds me a bit too much of the Robin Williams mess ‘RV’ — also “…The usual survival stuff…” — when pitching this something you should stay well clear of stating. Focus on what makes this story different…
Anyway — best of luck — it’s not far off…
See lessAfter the extinction of women and the destruction of the moon, an imaginative young man realizes that his sexuality is the one thing that may keep him alive.
Hi Roger, I think what you need to mainly focus on is what dpg questioned in an early reply... What is the OBJECTIVE GOAL of the protagonist. As you have written this story I'm sure there are many elements that you feel are important -- but for a successful logline (and really, a successful story) yRead more
Hi Roger,
I think what you need to mainly focus on is what dpg questioned in an early reply… What is the OBJECTIVE GOAL of the protagonist. As you have written this story I’m sure there are many elements that you feel are important — but for a successful logline (and really, a successful story) you need to focus on the single most important PHYSICAL objective, which should be something that entails a struggle of life or death proportions for the hero. You need to keep in mind your audience for the logline, which, for the purpose of selling it and getting into production for a WIDE audience this initial audience is usually going to be a Reader for a Production Company etc… and they need to know what the MAIN physical action for the film is — Why? — So they can have an idea of cost and potential profit. Forget about a logline for a minute and simply state what the one thing this guy (or guys) HAVE to do. Once you have stated that, state the MAIN thing that stands in the way of the hero’s achieving that PHYSICAL goal. At this point the logline pretty much presents itself.
You need to stay clear of MENTAL/ SPIRITUAL goals/ scenarios (with a clear physical objective with a flawed protag, this is, in the best loglines, evident in a sub textual sense…)i.e. “…REALISES his sexuality is the one thing that can keep him alive…” — this tells us nothing and forces the reader to hazard at guesses — ‘hazard’ the operative word here… State HOW his sexuality is the one thing that can keep him alive…
Anyway — interesting/ original in its potential — best of luck.
See lessAfter moving into a new apartment, a famous writer sets up various cameras to spy on his strange neighbour.
Hi Tor, I like this, and am a huge fan of 'found footage' films when done right. I agree with NEGenge on a couple of points above -- as in, it would be good if the logline suggested the 'found footage' angle more clearly (this would be tricky though without going down the line of "In 2013 ccv footagRead more
Hi Tor,
I like this, and am a huge fan of ‘found footage’ films when done right.
I agree with NEGenge on a couple of points above — as in, it would be good if the logline suggested the ‘found footage’ angle more clearly (this would be tricky though without going down the line of “In 2013 ccv footage from a suburban apartment block…” etc etc etc…); also his points on the involvement of the cops makes for a fresh angle.
At the risk for sounding a bit harsh — it doesn’t jump off the page, so to speak, and I think that’s because it just lacks specifics of both the protags’ paranoia as well as the neighbor’s ‘strangeness’…. I think that if you stated WHY he sets up the camera’s in the first place it would give the logline more of an arc…
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What about if he sets up the cameras for some other reason… like he suspects he’s dumping garbage in other peoples trash or something like that — but then sees him dumping bodies — it would lend itself to a stated inciting incident.
And does he have to be a writer? It’s something done so often it easily can be construed as cliche… What if he was a recently unemployed workaholic? It gives him a bit of a springboard to becoming so obsessed.
Regardless — it gets my imagination sparking, and it has the potential to have a ‘Hitchcock’ flavor; also reminds of ‘Arlington Rd’…
Best of luck with it.
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