Hi Isabelle

I’m a bit confused — despite his apparent irrationality, choosing to go to Tasmania simply for the reason that it’s (or at least in his own mind…) about to go under is not believable or justifiable, IMO. It’s like someone deciding to run into a burning house, not to save anyone or anything, but just because it’s burning down. That’s not irrationality, that insanity. I don’t know if an audience could go along with that, particularly given that you are currently describing him as ‘young’ and not by some other flaw — like ‘irrational/ a chronic day-dreamer/ a friendless dreamer… or what-have -you… He reads as a frustrating character to me and not one that I’d find compelling or sympathetic. But, as others have said, if there was a more legitimate reason for him to go (to meet/ save a loved one/ a deceased parent was raised there… ra ra ra…) I might be compelled to buy this premise… although…

There’s another issue is in regards to the physical objective itself. Good loglines (and stories) find a great balance of unlikelihood and plausibility. Unfortunately yours, again, just IMO n all that, is both unlikely and implausible. Bass Straight is classified as one of THE most treacherous straights in the world — it’s notoriously rough. Only one person has ever swum it… and then, that was not from mainland Tasmania itself (from King Island to Apollo Bay in Victoria) — and she’s an elite athlete. I just don’t know if I can swallow a premise of a young boy achieving the crossing alive… If he was particularly gifted I might buy him stealing a light plane and flying across the straight… or maybe stowing away on The Spirit Tasmania…

The only way swimming could work is we see that swimming is a unique strength he has BEFORE he has the idea to attempt to swim the straight (and something that would have to be mentioned in the logline…) — but again, he’d have to be, like, THE best child swimmer in the world.

Hope you don’t take this criticism as being too harsh — I think there’s a potentially great story there, I just think you need to work on the protag’s main physical (and psychological) objective, and make his means of achieving it extremely difficult, unlikely, but… still plausible.

Best of luck.