I agree with dpg… also:

• His fight to survive appears to be a fight for his emotions, however should you also include a fight for his safety/life? ?If he’s on the front line, what physical arena does he have to also navigate at this time? ?Otherwise, he may as well get some r and r in a safe facility and that wouldn’t be as full of conflict.
• What exactly is his silent war? ?Is it depression? ?Suicidal tendencies? ?Grief?
• Maybe telling us a bit more about his story will allow others to offer more pertinent suggestions. ?E.g. I immediately saw him and her on a specific mission, when she was killed and he has to both battle his grief, complete the mission, and get home. ?This probably clouded my thoughts but may be way off the mark.

Hi Tjmohr,

I’m not at all knowledgeable about shorts, so please just take these as my thoughts on what I read!

• Do you mean the Chinese finger trap type thingy?
• Your logline seems pretty solid to me – your main character is in search of a mate – something everyone can relate to.
• I like the idea of a society uniting with a device that literally binds people together… I take it this is presented a metaphor rather than a practical device?
• I love the idea of the man inserting his own fingers into each side and finding he can be complete with himself – it gave me a really warm feeling.
• “after a long struggle” is the only element I thought you may consider looking at – maybe after multiple rejection? after bigotry? something a little more concrete?

I can see it presenting well in a super-stylised way… maybe even as a dreamy animation. ?Love it.