1. Posted: August 2, 2015In:

    When a shy courier, in a bad marriage, is allured by the friendly wife of a drug criminal, he pursues her help to overcome his social anxiety, despite exposure to his wife's brother by police phone taps.

    Wayne Logliner

    Thanks guys for your very helpful comments. Essentially this is a love story, so the stakes are that the MC stands to not get the girl, as per this genre. The inciting incident is when the boy meets the girl. Nir, you are right about the social anxiety - that's his inner journey. I have done a re-woRead more

    Thanks guys for your very helpful comments.
    Essentially this is a love story, so the stakes are that the MC stands to not get the girl, as per this genre.
    The inciting incident is when the boy meets the girl.
    Nir, you are right about the social anxiety – that’s his inner journey.
    I have done a re-working. and simplified it (the original logline was a writing guide).
    Let me know your thoughts:

    “When a shy courier in a bad marriage pursues the wife of a drug criminal he risks defamation”.

    or a more detailed one:

    “A shy courier in a bad marriage risks defamation when he pursues the wife of a drug criminal, under investigation by the courier’s brother-in-law cop”.

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  2. Posted: August 2, 2015In:

    When a shy courier, in a bad marriage, is allured by the friendly wife of a drug criminal, he pursues her help to overcome his social anxiety, despite exposure to his wife's brother by police phone taps.

    Wayne Logliner

    Thanks heaps for your post. It makes lots of sense. what do you think of this simplified version?: When a shy courier trapped in a bad marriage is allured by the friendly wife of a drug criminal, he pursues her help to overcome his social anxiety.

    Thanks heaps for your post. It makes lots of sense. what do you think of this simplified version?:

    When a shy courier trapped in a bad marriage is allured by the friendly wife of a drug criminal, he pursues her help to overcome his social anxiety.

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  3. Posted: August 2, 2015In:

    A seemingly well adjusted 29 year old film maker is forced to face his own insecurities when forced to produce a movie on teenage female self esteem

    Wayne Logliner

    Hi. Not sure if we need to know he is 29 ...? Would be good if we know what his flaw is (more detail than just insecure) and maybe mention his flaw instead of saying his "well adjusted". Does he meet anyone in particular when making the movie? The story might sound more interesting if we know more dRead more

    Hi. Not sure if we need to know he is 29 …? Would be good if we know what his flaw is (more detail than just insecure) and maybe mention his flaw instead of saying his “well adjusted”.
    Does he meet anyone in particular when making the movie? The story might sound more interesting if we know more detail about the movie… “a movie on teenage female self esteem” is a bit general / impersonal. cheers, Wayne

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