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Fired and dumped, a directionless young man takes a pizza delivery job, but when he is mistakenly given the kiss of death by a psychotic mafia boss, he must outsmart the mob to survive and save the love of his life.
There is no indication that the "love of his life" is in danger or in need of being saved. You can tighten up the logline by dropping that part: When a down-and-out pizza delivery man is mistakenly given the kiss of death by a psychotic mafia boss, he must outsmart the mob to survive.
There is no indication that the “love of his life” is in danger or in need of being saved. You can tighten up the logline by dropping that part:
When a down-and-out pizza delivery man is mistakenly given the kiss of death by a psychotic mafia boss, he must outsmart the mob to survive.
See less?Liam Santos comes to town to become a great artist, there he meets and falls in love with Fabio Grun, a successful young lawyer.? A car accident leaves the couple in a coma, only one of them can live thanks to the heart of one of them and thus be able to fulfill their dreams. —
An interesting idea, but the concept needs a bit more work. A car accident might leave a person brain dead and make them an organ donor candidate, but a car accident is very unlikely to leave a person with a damaged heart that requires replacement. Also, any donor heart would go to the person at theRead more
An interesting idea, but the concept needs a bit more work. A car accident might leave a person brain dead and make them an organ donor candidate, but a car accident is very unlikely to leave a person with a damaged heart that requires replacement. Also, any donor heart would go to the person at the top of the waiting list, not the person in the next room.
What might make sense is if one of the couple has heart disease and is on a waiting list for a new heart. Then, you could have a situation in which the healthy person dies in an accident, and their heart is transplanted into their sick lover’s chest. (It’s still a stretch as there are donor compatibility issues, but the audience is likely to overlook that if you play it right.)
As for the mechanics of loglines, replace proper names by character attributes, don’t give away the ending and keep the whole thing under 40 words (25 if possible).
See lessAn alluring Irish banker who is terminally ill must race against time to convince her ex-boyfriend and American baseball star that her 10-year-old daughter is his.
In what sexist world is a terminally ill woman "alluring"? What illness makes a woman nearing her deathbed, look, according to Oxford, "mysteriously attractive; seductive"? And to whom? Closet necrophiliacs? Please, try to dignify a woman facing death with some words conveying the strength and depthRead more
In what sexist world is a terminally ill woman “alluring”? What illness makes a woman nearing her deathbed, look, according to Oxford, “mysteriously attractive; seductive”? And to whom? Closet necrophiliacs?
Please, try to dignify a woman facing death with some words conveying the strength and depth of her character …
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