In 1961, a British double agent, assigned to stop a uranium smuggling operation run by a secret organization of Nazis, falls for the chief Nazi’s fiancee.

In 1961, when a British spy falls for a Nazi's fiancee, he jeopardises his assignment to thwart the Nazi's uranium smuggling operation.

Dpg - After a recent rewrite, I've found the relationship to be integral. I think I'll go with your recent one. It ticks all the boxes. I'll be putting this up on the Blacklist soon - I'm curious to see what logline my reviewer gives it. Thank you for your contributions and endless support. Also, I might put up this new one to see what people think.?

Ckharper - I do as well. Hmm. Well. He's a double agent turned traitor/Nazi war criminal. Ex-Nazi makes sense. It is a bit more complicated because he is a pawn/something of a puppet. But with marketing - I do need to keep things simple.

You're right. It does declutter it. I must admit doing a logline for a series that hasn't been written and having done a pilot where you're holding out on plot developments/surprises - doing the series logline is quite hard (I know it shouldn't be). But yeah - we'll go with Nazi. For clarity and leanness and for marketing the thing.

As for the pilot, I might go with yours too.?

?In 1961, a retired spy living the highlife on the French Riviera, must return to his old dangerous games to catch a Nazi war criminal?.

But I'll tweak it and use this one...

?In 1961, a British spy must return to his old dangerous games to catch a Nazi war criminal living on the French Riviera?.?

(As I've rewritten the pilot, he's a bit more mysterious. I know FR is a little redundant - but I'm so damn sure that's a selling point.)

I hate going with someone else's but one cannot let their ego get in the way of progress. After a few months of logline work - I really need to get these things sent off.

Okay cheers everyone.

You seem adamant about slipping in the relationship in addition to the plot goal.? My sense is that the relationship will be more interesting than the pursuit of the objective goal.? The love relationship must be good news-bad news .? It must present a potential way to fulfill the objective goal -- as well as a complication that could defeat his purpose and cost him his life (and hers, too).

?

Hence:

In 1961, when a British spy falls for an ex-Nazi's fiancee, he jeopardizes his assignment to thwart the ex-Nazi's uranium smuggling operation.

(22 words)

This version more directly personalizes the conflict.? It's focus on agent versus the ex-Nazi, not the agent versus a faceless organization.? Obviously, if he defeats the ex-Nazi, he take down the ex-Nazi's organization too.

You seem adamant about slipping in the relationship in addition to the plot goal.? My sense is that the relationship will be more interesting than the pursuit of the objective goal.? The love relationship must be good news-bad news .? It must present a potential way to fulfill the objective goal -- as well as a complication that could defeat his purpose and cost him his life (and hers, too).

?

Hence:

In 1961, when a British spy falls for an ex-Nazi's fiancee, he jeopardizes his assignment to thwart the ex-Nazi's uranium smuggling operation.

(22 words)

This version more directly personalizes the conflict.? It's focus on agent versus the ex-Nazi, not the agent versus a faceless organization.? Obviously, if he defeats the ex-Nazi, he take down the ex-Nazi's organization too.