In order to cut the apron strings, a 30 year-old gogo boy flees his head of mafia, brothel-owning mother to a small town living off the tourism of its celebrity cemetery. There, he struggles to make a living while helping an ex-FBI agent demoted to park ranger to find her status back by resolving the corruption that took her down in the first place.
Philippe DaiglePenpusher
In order to cut the apron strings, a 30 year-old gogo boy flees his head of mafia, brothel-owning mother to a small town living off the tourism of its celebrity cemetery. There, he struggles to make a living while helping an ex-FBI agent demoted to park ranger to find her status back by resolving the corruption that took her down in the first place.
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Very cool premise. The logline reads like two stories or (A story) gogo boy escapes mafia mom, (B story) gogo boy helps reinstate an ex-FBI agent.
I would focus on the inciting incident that triggers your protag to flee mafia mom, the goal is to live a life redeemed as a tombstone tour guide to the stars, BUT … you need a “mom wants her gogo back – dead or alive” element for stakes, you get the idea.
Your B story needs to revert to your main plot e.g., ex-gogo boy gets ex-agent reinstated to shut down mafia mom. Logline real estate is tiny; you can skip mentioning it.
Q: A gogo boy is a gay go-go dancer, right? Gay or not, it would be jacked if he were the star attraction in his mother’s brothel 😉.
Keep going!
Wow, thanks for the feedback ! In fact, the cop was demoted because of the mom somehow – not sure of the details as of now. That’s why I included it in the premise.
A : I might be wrong, but to me a gogo boy is but a male stripper. Maybe I’ll change the wording there. He is indeed the star of the brothel 😉