As Judea fractures under Roman pressure, a paranoid client king orders mass slaughter to preserve power, while a meek couple suffers the brutal consequences of divine favor.

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Title: Noël

Type: Feature Film

Format: Nonlinear

Genre(s): Historical, Psychological Horror/Thriller

Compareable(s): The Passion of the Christ, The Witch, Memento

Dramatic Question: What happens when a holy and loving God enters into a world ruled by fear, power, and political survival?

Premise: I want to tell this in a nonlinear manner with two concurrent storylines.

On one side, Herod’s narrative tracks the psychological and political pressures that culminate in the Massacre of the Innocents: a fragile client king whose really under Roman rule the entire duration of his reign, threatened by Messianic prophecy, destabilized by rival religious factions (primarily the Pharisees and Sadducees), and pushed over the edge by the arrival of Parthian Magi whose acknowledgment of a “new king of the Jews” signals both religious illegitimacy and geopolitical danger.

(In those days the right to rule was heavily tied to religious institutions so by the Magi seeking out Jesus they, a rival political power to Rome (think sort of like how China and the U.S. today are rivals) are in effect giving their political endorsement, on behalf of the Parthians by the way, for Jesus’ rule. And for context, Rome cared about three things: loyalty to Rome, that taxes are paid, and that order is maintained. This prophecy threatens to destabilize all 3 of these. This is no longer something Herod can just ignore.

As a result, Jerusalem fears not the prophecy itself, but what Herod will do in response. And keep in mind, Herod was known for killing his wife, a Hasmonean princess (an arranged marriage meant to legitimize his rule in particular with the Pharisees – it didn’t work.), and at least two of his sons and another one after Jesus was born. They had to constantly be on edge when it came to Herod. But anyway the Herod storyline tries to unpack all of those psychological underpinnings.

On the other side, Joseph and Mary’s storyline explores the human cost of divine favor. Impoverished, teenage, socially marginalized, and unprepared, they endure public shame, physical hardship, and psychological trauma as their lives are irrevocably altered without consent. Their journey to Bethlehem is brutal and dehumanizing; the birth itself is uncomfortable, cold, and humiliating; and its aftermath leaves them burdened with survivor’s guilt as Roman violence sweeps through Bethlehem as innocent families become collateral damage because of Jesus.

Basically, I want to tell the Nativity story the way it was meant to be told (which was certainly not the heavily sanitized versions that you probably heard growing up at Christmas pageants): no farm stables but rather a cave with animal excrement everywhere, no donkey, Mary and Joseph are just average in appearance or even slightly below average based on what we know about Jesus in Isaiah 52, with middle eastern olive complexion, their feet would have been heavily calloused after the journey since they would have likely been too poor to afford sandals, they would have likely made the journey with an entourage as opposed to alone (the group likely would have been gossiping about them negatively the entire journey there since a virgin birth isn’t something that usually happens XD). Mary has to live with the aftermath of survivor’s guilt and PTSD due to knowing that all the babies aged 2 and under (or who even just looked young enough to be 2 or under) were killed because of Jesus, etc.

I’m envisioning this being a hard PG-13/R rated film, essentially the spiritual prequel to the Passion of the Christ.

2 reviews

The logline juggles too many balls. An effective logline (one that makes an executive want to read the script) is succinct (30 words or less) and sells the sizzle, not the steak.

What is the sizzle in your concept?

Revised logline: When Parthian rivals arrive in Jerusalem seeking to legitamize a newborn “King of the Jews,” Herod, a paranoid client king haunted by the Parthian bloodshed that secured his throne, schemes to contain what he perceives as a conspiracy before Parthia’s political endorsement unleashes Rome’s wrath and sends his precarious reign crashing down, with the Holy Family caught in the crossfire.

Title: Noël
Type: Feature Film
Format: Nonlinear
Genre(s): Historical, Political Thriller, Psychological Horror
Comparables: The Passion of the Christ, The Witch, Gladiator

This one more specifically portrays Herod as the protagonist, but is now too long. Any ideas?

Basically, I want to have three concurrent storylines: one with Herod and the Magi (the cause, what sets things in motion), one with Herod retaking Judea from Parthia with Rome's assistance (Herod's rise to power showing how he got there), and the Holy Family (the effect, showing that being "blessed" by God often leads to hardship not prosperity.

dogger · Oracle · 88,020 pts

You have a complicated logline for a complicated (and interesting) historical period. I suggest your story can be distilled to something like:

When emissaries arrive in Jerusalem from the rival nation of Parthia seeking to pay homage to a newborn “King of the Jews”, a paranoid King Herod orders his soldiers to find and kill the rival infant. (36 words)

It seems to me that is a workable plot clothesline on which to hang all the subplots and complications.

The historical subplots and context should be reserved for the pitch meeting, which an effective logline is designed to initiate. Any attempt to cram them all into a logline is self-defeating. The prime purpose of a logline is to hook reader curiosity and interest, make the gatekeepers, the movers and shakers, want to read the script.

A logline should focus on selling the "sizzle", not presenting an inch by inch, ounce by ounce description of the steak.

Hope this helps.

dogger · Oracle · 88,020 pts

A note on your comparables: The scripts for all three projects were written by insiders or established writers, people already in the Biz, inside the "castle", on the other side of the moat you are trying to cross, the other side of wall you are trying to scale. This gave them access and opportunities you don't have to pitch, explain their stories.

Example: IMHO, I don't think Robert Eggers could have gotten much interest, nor made the sale of his script for "The Witch" if he were an outsider, an unknown with no industry contacts. I don't think the concept is an easy one to render in a pithy, punchy logline. [I'm still tinkering with a satisfactory logline for the "The Witch" that, less or more, fits into the standard logline mold.]

"The Witch" was his first script sale (AFAIK), but he was already something of an insider (Production and Art Design) that gave him access to industry people who could green light scripts or pass scripts to people who green light scripts. So he had access to contacts you and I subsisting outside the castle, on the other side of the moat don't.

FWIW.

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