Samurai
Posted: 2013-05-24T04:19:08+10:00 In:

When a penniless young writer steals a suitcase full of dirty money a street enforcer from Japan is sent to track him down and an epic struggle begins on the streets of East London.

Strife

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    3 Reviews

    1. Let me start by saying that I really like this action story. It has balls, it promises a culture clash between the Japanese enforcer and whoever he has to deal with on the streets of London, as well as the Eastern style of dispatching bad guys.

      I would consider revising the following:

      penniless young writer – Is being a writer the best kind of function to give the protagonist? Even if he was a brickie’s labourer, it conveys muscle, and low class desperation.

      steals a suitcase – Define whether it fell in his lap or if it was a heist

      epic struggle – On first read I liked the use of ‘epic struggle’… But it’s hollow because I don’t know who the struggle is between (I assume the writer and the enforcer), or how it will be epic.

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    2. Firstly, I like this action story. It has a fish out of water enforcer, bringing his Eastern kick ass to the streets of East London.

      I would review the following items:

      ‘penniless young writer’ – How does him being a writer add to the story and action? Example, if he was a bricklayer, there is working class desperation, and he has muscle.

      ‘steals a suitcase’ – Did it fall in his lap? Or was it a heist?

      ‘epic struggle’ – What makes the struggle epic? A fight between a writer and a Japanese bad ass doesn’t evoke this.

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    3. Samurai

      Thanks, Nick. Penniless is why he steals the suitcase and yes it does fall into his lap, it’s not a heist. Also, a writer has imagination and mental fortitude and intelligence so it’s an interesting match up against a streetwise and vicious fish-out-of-water heavy.

      And what makes it epic? The stakes. Circumstances lead the writer to give the money to a worthy cause and eventually sacrifice his life to save his friends from the enforcer’s wrath. Plus, the enforcer owes a debt of honour which demands he kill himself if he fails his mission.

      Truth be told, there’s a lot of genre-busting elements hard to include in a logline so I intend to include a short synopsis with any pitch.

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