Deadly Pillow Talk
When a hitman, who talks in his sleep, confesses to multiple murders to a hooker with a big mouth, the people who hired him and the police are out to catch him.
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I like this idea, It has potential for a lot of fun.
My only critique of the logline; Since the hitman’s the lead character I would keep the logline from his perspective the whole way through.
“…the people who hired him and the police are out to catch him” implies they are the ones taking action.
I would change that so he is the one taking action:
“… he must evade both the mob boss that hired him and the police if he wants to live”
Now it’s from the perspective of the lead doing something.
Hope that helped, good luck with this!
Love the idea, too. I can see a great comedy script coming from this.
My only concern: He is talking IN HIS SLEEP while being with a HOOKER? Maybe worth a thought…?
Good point Richiev. I appreciate the comment.
I agree with the above; the premise is sound, it just feels like it needs some cleaning and polishing as far as the logline goes. And in as far as “evading” the bad guys … how will we know that he has succeeded or failed? Must he make it to the plane waiting two states away? Must he kill the mob boss before he himself is killed? Don’t be vague with something like “evade” … tell me what his objective goal is, that REPRESENTS his evasion and survival.
You are correct Susan, the Hitman is talking in his sleep while with the Hooker. After you wrote your comment, I realized that may not be entire clear in the original Logline. Thanks for the comment.