Penpusher
Posted: 2018-12-01T02:37:15+10:00 In:

An exiled warden falls in love with a runaway 157 year old woman. When she is recaptured, he must save her and his daughter from the City he was banished from.

An exiled warden falls in love with a runaway 157 year old woman. When she is recaptured, he must save her and his daughter from the City he was banished from.
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    2 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      In your logline the bad guy is a city, Is there a person in your story who could replace the city as the bad guy?

      You say the 157-year-old woman is a runaway but you don’t tell us why she is running. As a result, we don’t know what the stakes are.
      What causes the woman to run away in the first place, what event sets the story in motion?
      What bad thing will happen if he the lead character doesn’t save her? What is the lead saving the 157-year-old woman from?

      • 0
    2. Singularity

      How is it that a 157 year old woman is vigorous enough to escape from anywhere?

      The logline is categorized as “Noir” but it seems more in the realm of the Fantastical or SciFi.

      • 0