bill chipman

Initiate · 50 points

50 points to Logliner

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Reviews

on After an ambush in Helmand Province, Afghanistan, battle-hardened veterans return to their lives. The death of one their own unveils a web of deceit that engulfs them all, challenging promises made and trust between brothers.

After a firefight in Helmand Province, battle-hardened vets return to Miami P. D. The death of their hero unveils a web of deceit that engulfs Sgt. Charlie Rodriguez, challenging promises made and bonds between brothers. any better?
on When – during a sabbatical leave – a young woman from Berlin falls in love with a man from Cape Town, she books two more flight tickets to find out – within a year – whether she should decide for her quite happy and successful life at home or what could become the love of her life.

I don't think hyphens are the best way to go in a logline. start with 'during a sabbatical (implies a leave), a young woman... then try and cut out some of the second sentence. ...whether she should choose between her…
on A surveillance operator struggles to keep her team from falling apart as they pursue the crime syndicate that murdered her brother during an unsanctioned operation.

'trainee surveillance operator' seems too long. just 'trainee' maybe? then maybe use 'his sister, as team leader, struggles to deal with her emotions and manage the elite team as they track the killer on the streets of north London." overall…