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Two friends have a serendipitous encounter with a Caribbean musician, in one of London’s many parks, only to discover the bitter sweet truth about life through the lyricism of their new found friend.
Need to know more about why the Caribbean musician's lyrics explain life to them. Not details, but why HIS lyrics trigger something .
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Revised: Exes – A 25 year old unemployed woman asks her depressed ex-boyfriend from college for a urine sample in order to pass a drug test for a potential job at her Father’s sign shop. In doing this she wants to enable herself to move out of her Mother’s house and re-enter the dating scene.
Sorry, very confused by this. Why would she need a urine sample to get a job at her father's shop, and how would this help her move out? Are they separated?
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In the future, all mental Illness is illegal. After a teen’s girlfriend is taken away due to early detection of a mental defect, he searches to find an error with the brain scanning machine but uncovers a dark secret.
Sorry for any confusion in that post - the first use of 'goal' should be trigger. Need to proofread...
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In the future, all mental Illness is illegal. After a teen’s girlfriend is taken away due to early detection of a mental defect, he searches to find an error with the brain scanning machine but uncovers a dark secret.
Understand the premise, the goal and the challenge, but there isn't a clear goal - Why does this dark secret matter to him, her or society? Tell us why the dark secret must remain a secret, or what will happen…
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When an encounter with the Grim Reaper confirms there is an afterlife, a prolific serial killer seeks forgiveness from the only victim of his to have ever survived.
Agree this sounds an interesting idea. But spell out why an afterlife is important, or getting forgiveness is important - what does he stand to lose if he doesn't get that forgiveness.
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Chris, an architectural intern falls for a mysterious woman named Samantha, but she seems to know a lot about him, maybe too much. Is he just overthinking or is there more to Samantha than meets the eye?
I feel this is more of a tagline, to get the audience interested. And I believe a logline shouldn't be a question (but the experts will have more to say).
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Question: I suspect that most people here, like me, struggle to focus on the part of their story that’s important to logline. Mine is a complex of murders, mainly focused around concealing a galactic insurance fraud but including some revenge attempts by the contract killer. From MC’s perspective, there are multiple murders, a possible insurance fraud, the prime murderer is specifically after him and/or his family for revenge…
Can people please suggest how to choose which elements/plot lines to logline and which to leave for the synopsis. e.g. in the movie “UP”, which is the more important: Carl reaching the Falls to fulfil his promise, Carl’s redemption, Carl speudo-adopting Russell.. etc.
Thanks to all for your valuable responses. ?I will take time to?absorb them and rework my efforts. ?I hope others read the answers and learn as well.again. Thanks
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When a self-absorbed desert-trawling truckie falls for a devoted mother and city writer online, he must take responsibility for his own son, before winning her heart or losing his last chance for true love.
Hmmmm.... Not grabbing me. ?Self-absorbed - hate him already so don;t want him as MC. ? Leave that out of the logline unless it's VERY important to the story. ?Desert trawling: perhaps say loner; Why must he take responsibility for…
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When his medication suddenly stops working, a contentedly married man must endure terrifying Hypnotic Regressions in search of an answer to his mysterious and debilitating condition. (26)
From my perspective, you don't need the suddenly - it's almost implicit by being the inciting incident. ?I suggest THE answer, not AN answer because it gives more importance. ?and no need for mysterious - if he's searching for the…
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Rework: When cops are killed in a series of murders, the investigator must catch the contract killer and his employer before they get to his family.
Thanks for the suggestions folks. How's this: ?As Galactic Police become victims in a series of murders, the Homicide Investigator must catch the contract killer and the mastermind, to protect his own family.
