A drug addicted rich kid breaks into an unsuspecting college students parents home who is home from college due to a just diagnoses of severe diabetic. The situation takes a turn for the worse as a hot shot negotiator tries to prove himself rather than save the girl, who falls into diabetic shock slowly as the hostage taker battles withdraw symptoms. The ending of this terrible situation is tragic and carries swift punishment, no one will ever be the same.

Yes, sometimes it takes time to get the right feeling. I dig.

I tried to put irony in the second draft by having the hostage not care about his life... Originally I wanted the hostage taker to be the protagonist and the negotiator be the antagonist, then I decided maybe the hostage themselves should be the protagonist. I'm trying to catch that feeling of a situation spiraling out of control

The story is much, much shorter but completelyy confusing now.
I would use Graigs version of your logline as a guideline for further revisions:

"A rich kid drug addict triggers a siege when he takes a hostage during a break and enter. The diabetic hostage's health quickly deteriorates as the a self serving negotiator and the addict suffering withdrawal argue it out."

Although even in this version I'm not sure who is the protag and who is the entag?

And where is the irony in the story?

Who is the protagonist, the thief or the addict? Whoever it is should lead off the logline and the action should be described in the active voice, with stronger verbs than "finds himself".

Also, the revision sets up a situation for a plot, but it doesn't describe a plot. The plot is what happens after the inciting incident that sets up the situation.

And what is the inciting incident? How did these two get thrown together?

Who is the protagonist, the thief or the addict? Whoever it is should lead off the logline and the action should be described in the active voice, with stronger verbs than "finds himself".

Also, the revision sets up a situation for a plot, but it doesn't describe a plot. The plot is what happens after the inciting incident that sets up the situation.

And what is the inciting incident? How did these two get thrown together?

Thanks for all the answers! Here is my revision:

A misguided thief finds himself in a hostage situation with a suicidal drug addict who rather see them both die than get out alive.