A fledging actress, unlucky in love, must decide whether to risk it all or play it safe for the “happily ever after” she wants.

Just thought I'd second dpg up there -- ending a logline with a question, IMO anyway, always reads a bit cheezily/ amateurish. The dramatic question should always be implied in the structure and content of the logline.

Also -- It's not clear what she's actually risking at the moment...

What about something like:

'After landing the part of a lifetime in Broadway, a hopelessly romantic fledgling actress puts her budding career on the line when her childhood prince charming returns home after years of missionary work overseas.'

A few words too long, and maybe nqr in terms of YOUR story, but hope it helps.

Best of luck with it.

In loglines, the dramatic question is implied, but never explicitly stated.

Your current logline seems to have two story threads, one explicit (the search for the Prince and the implied, a successful if fledgling acting career. Are these two story threads and associated goals in conflict? If they are, how?

If not, why not?

And is she "risk aversive" in her career or in romance? Or both? And if she's risk adverse only in terms of her career, how did she get to be successful actress? Acting is inherently a very risky business. Fledgling actors must cope with rejection and failure more frequently than they are likely to encounter in romance.

In loglines, the dramatic question is implied, but never explicitly stated.

Your current logline seems to have two story threads, one explicit (the search for the Prince and the implied, a successful if fledgling acting career. Are these two story threads and associated goals in conflict? If they are, how?

If not, why not?

And is she "risk aversive" in her career or in romance? Or both? And if she's risk adverse only in terms of her career, how did she get to be successful actress? Acting is inherently a very risky business. Fledgling actors must cope with rejection and failure more frequently than they are likely to encounter in romance.

So I think I've gotten a little bit closer, but can loglines end in a question mark? Thanks everyone for your input. I know there are a ton of articles, books, seminars, webisodes, etc.. out there about this, but the only way I really sink it into my skull is practice.

Okay, that clarifies. First time, I've read a story line where an LDS missionary guy is a "date from hell" :-)

As I understand your story, I perceive a problem with your protagonist: Hollyweird types are attracted to stories about characters who take the biggest risks for their biggest dream, who won't settle for less, who don't make safe choices.

The character can start out weak and willing to settle for less, for a safe choice. But the character arc that appeals to them is one where she develops the inner strength to risk all for love, to go for what she really wants in life.

What does she really, really want? What is her biggest dream? Who is the incarnation of her biggest dream?

Okay, that clarifies. First time, I've read a story line where an LDS missionary guy is a "date from hell" :-)

As I understand your story, I perceive a problem with your protagonist: Hollyweird types are attracted to stories about characters who take the biggest risks for their biggest dream, who won't settle for less, who don't make safe choices.

The character can start out weak and willing to settle for less, for a safe choice. But the character arc that appeals to them is one where she develops the inner strength to risk all for love, to go for what she really wants in life.

What does she really, really want? What is her biggest dream? Who is the incarnation of her biggest dream?

What it is is this "bookish" kind of girl meets a guy during rehearsals for her high school play. She's cast, he's helping with stage crew. And he's weeks away from leaving for two years on an LDS mission, which basically means he has to put any and all dating relationships on hold , and they make agreement they're going to date when he gets back.
She feels like he's her only shot because when he meets her, he's the first guy to notice her. While he's gone, she does get involved with another guy, but he pulls a whopper that involves getting engaged to his ex so she can stay in the country. After that, she's scared to trust any guy, and draws the conclusion that risks in love don't pay, so the missionary becomes a "sure bet." It's not a risk with him because she already knows him.

Thanks again everyone for your feedback. This is one of my first attempts at something like this, and this site has given me quite the crash course in do's and dont's. Now it's back to the drawing board. :)

Despite her failed luck in love to date, "fledgling actress" connotes someone young enough to have many years, many more opportunities to find Mr. Right. So it doesn't make sense that she thinks she's only got one more chance. And why does she think that this particular "date from hell" is her last shot?

Despite her failed luck in love to date, "fledgling actress" connotes someone young enough to have many years, many more opportunities to find Mr. Right. So it doesn't make sense that she thinks she's only got one more chance. And why does she think that this particular "date from hell" is her last shot?