A grieving 12 year old boy must navigate between his physical and fantasy worlds, battling fears and doubts to uncover the origins of a mysterious dagger. This journey will test the truths of who he is and who he is to become.

Thanks DPG! This gives me quite a bit to chew on. Gonna give it another go and write some more variations and share when I have them ready. Thanks so much for the time to respond!

Yes, I suggest pitch the story in terms of the adventure the dagger will take him on. ?I would de-emphasize (regressive) fantasies, emphasize the imagination as a well-spring for inspiration to move forward in lif, as a spur to adventures into the unknown.

It seems to me that the logline would be more effective if it invoked the archetypal imagination of the viewing audience in terms of the "Hero's Journey" (which I assume you are familiar with). ?Vogel's book, "The Writer's Journey" about the "Hero's Journey" as a plot paradigm was inspired by Joseph Campbell's "The Hero with a 1,000 Faces". ?And Campbell, in turn, was inspired by the writings of the depth psychologist C.G. Jung.

And Jung wrote : "Whoever speaks in primordial [archetypal] images speaks with a thousand voices; he enthralls and overpowers, while at the same time he lifts the ideas he is seeking to express out of the occasional and the transitory into the realm of the ever enduring. He transmutes our personal destiny into the destiny of mankind, and evokes in us all those beneficent forces that ever and anon have enabled humanity to find a refuge from every peril and to outlive the longest night."

Why did people stand in lines that stretched for blocks, for 24 hours or more, to see the original episode of "Star Wars" in 1977? ?And then stand in line and waited to see it again... and again... and again... and again? ?Because of the CGI, the special effects? ?Well, that too.

They stood in line because the movie spoke -- sung -- in a 1,000 voices. ?It hooked into the deepest, primordial yearnings of the human psyche. ?George Lucas?imagined characters the audience could identify with and root for, adventures they wanted to undertake, ?even if only vicariously.

What are the 1,000 voices your story speaks in? ?What elevates the predicament and struggles of the boy from the particular to the universal? ? What makes him a character and his struggle an adventure millions of other boys (and girls --something to think about) will want to follow episode... after episode... after episode... after episode for years?

I hear those 1,000 voices in your premise, but they seem distant and faint. ?I want to hear them loud and clear. ?(But then I have bad hearing, so?maybe the problem lies within my ears rather than the logline.)

fwiw

Yes, I suggest pitch the story in terms of the adventure the dagger will take him on. ?I would de-emphasize (regressive) fantasies, emphasize the imagination as a well-spring for inspiration to move forward in lif, as a spur to adventures into the unknown.

It seems to me that the logline would be more effective if it invoked the archetypal imagination of the viewing audience in terms of the "Hero's Journey" (which I assume you are familiar with). ?Vogel's book, "The Writer's Journey" about the "Hero's Journey" as a plot paradigm was inspired by Joseph Campbell's "The Hero with a 1,000 Faces". ?And Campbell, in turn, was inspired by the writings of the depth psychologist C.G. Jung.

And Jung wrote : "Whoever speaks in primordial [archetypal] images speaks with a thousand voices; he enthralls and overpowers, while at the same time he lifts the ideas he is seeking to express out of the occasional and the transitory into the realm of the ever enduring. He transmutes our personal destiny into the destiny of mankind, and evokes in us all those beneficent forces that ever and anon have enabled humanity to find a refuge from every peril and to outlive the longest night."

Why did people stand in lines that stretched for blocks, for 24 hours or more, to see the original episode of "Star Wars" in 1977? ?And then stand in line and waited to see it again... and again... and again... and again? ?Because of the CGI, the special effects? ?Well, that too.

They stood in line because the movie spoke -- sung -- in a 1,000 voices. ?It hooked into the deepest, primordial yearnings of the human psyche. ?George Lucas?imagined characters the audience could identify with and root for, adventures they wanted to undertake, ?even if only vicariously.

What are the 1,000 voices your story speaks in? ?What elevates the predicament and struggles of the boy from the particular to the universal? ? What makes him a character and his struggle an adventure millions of other boys (and girls --something to think about) will want to follow episode... after episode... after episode... after episode for years?

I hear those 1,000 voices in your premise, but they seem distant and faint. ?I want to hear them loud and clear. ?(But then I have bad hearing, so?maybe the problem lies within my ears rather than the logline.)

fwiw

So you're saying the emphasis shouldn't be on reclaiming what he had lost but what he will learn throughout the journey and that should be the goal stated in the logline, am I hearing you correctly?

I appreciate this process by the way, it's helping.

Which creates greater dramatic contrast, conflict and suspense?

1] A character discovering something for the 1st time that requires -- compels -- a radical change of point of view, a radical change in behavior, that entails unfamiliar actions and undertaking ?risks one has never had to confront before. ?And forces the character to acquire an?emotional skill set to handle them. ?In every possible way, physically and psychologically, it's?terra incognita. --? the character has no cognitive maps to guide him.?

The plot promises a journey into the complete unknown.

Or

2] A character rediscovering something. ? So the change of pov and behavior is not radical because the character has already done something similar before. Dealing with jeopardy is not an unfamiliar experience; he has already begun to acquire the emotional skill set to cope with the stress of risky situations. ?So that even if the physical territory is unfamiliar, the psychological?territory is not entirely. ?The character has a few cognitive maps to guide him.

?Hence, the plot promises a journey into the ?partially known.

Which creates greater dramatic contrast, conflict and suspense?

1] A character discovering something for the 1st time that requires -- compels -- a radical change of point of view, a radical change in behavior, that entails unfamiliar actions and undertaking ?risks one has never had to confront before. ?And forces the character to acquire an?emotional skill set to handle them. ?In every possible way, physically and psychologically, it's?terra incognita. --? the character has no cognitive maps to guide him.?

The plot promises a journey into the complete unknown.

Or

2] A character rediscovering something. ? So the change of pov and behavior is not radical because the character has already done something similar before. Dealing with jeopardy is not an unfamiliar experience; he has already begun to acquire the emotional skill set to cope with the stress of risky situations. ?So that even if the physical territory is unfamiliar, the psychological?territory is not entirely. ?The character has a few cognitive maps to guide him.

?Hence, the plot promises a journey into the ?partially known.