Categories: Noir
My takeaway is that if you are going to have a protagonist with face blindness, leverage it to the max; the plot should pivot on that disability. But? I'm not sure how it does in your latest iteration.
>>>and confront his traumatic past
So having face-blindness isn't of itself a big enough personal problem to wrestle with?? And? conversely, if he "confronts his traumatic past" -- whatever that entails -- it won't cure his face-blindness.? He will still have to cope with the disability every day of his life.? IOW: I think the face-blindness is his central personal problem,? past trauma is a sidebar issue.
Whatever, for the purpose of a logline, the "traumatic past" is a subjective issue, hence extraneous, not necessary to mention in the logline.? Loglines are about protagonists striving toward an objective goals in the future, not dealing with subjective issues in the past.
fwiw
My takeaway is that if you are going to have a protagonist with face blindness, leverage it to the max; the plot should pivot on that disability. But? I'm not sure how it does in your latest iteration.
>>>and confront his traumatic past
So having face-blindness isn't of itself a big enough personal problem to wrestle with?? And? conversely, if he "confronts his traumatic past" -- whatever that entails -- it won't cure his face-blindness.? He will still have to cope with the disability every day of his life.? IOW: I think the face-blindness is his central personal problem,? past trauma is a sidebar issue.
Whatever, for the purpose of a logline, the "traumatic past" is a subjective issue, hence extraneous, not necessary to mention in the logline.? Loglines are about protagonists striving toward an objective goals in the future, not dealing with subjective issues in the past.
fwiw
Lots to think about here, thanks everyone for your comments.
A friend suggested we are mixing together two seperate stories here - one is mystery story where the detective has face-blindness, and the other is a drama about a face-blind crim healing from early life trauma.
So...
1) When his brother is held ransom over a stolen drug shipment, a recluse with face-blindness must track down the drugs and return them before his brother is killed.
2) A callous face-blind criminal is socially isolated and depends on his brother for everything, but when his brother is hospitalised during a bungled heist he is forced to forge new relationships and confront his traumatic past
>>but quickly discovered it has been done before.
For instance?
>>>?When a drug lord holds his brother to ransom over a stolen shipment, a callous criminal with face blindness enlists the aid of other people with rare neurological disorders to track down his psychopathic ex-accomplice and retrieve the drugs.?
Frankly -- one reader's opinion -- I'm not (yet) sold on the plot.? But I was sold on the hook of face blindness from the first reading.? Even though I believe it's a story hook that may be challenging for a logline reader to swallow and digest.?
Plot issues aside,? I suggest you consider polishing the logline in two respects: 1] The ideal word length for a logline is 25 words.? Your latest iteration is 39 words long.? ?2] The story hook should either lead off or be the? concluding "button" or punch phrase .? In this iteration, the story hook --face blindness -- is buried n the middle.
>>> I like the idea that the face blindness causes/represents a deeper moral flaw, e.g. misanthropy or callousness.
Which is the chicken, which is the egg?? Does the face blindness cause his callousness -- or does it enable it?
fwiw
>>but quickly discovered it has been done before.
For instance?
>>>?When a drug lord holds his brother to ransom over a stolen shipment, a callous criminal with face blindness enlists the aid of other people with rare neurological disorders to track down his psychopathic ex-accomplice and retrieve the drugs.?
Frankly -- one reader's opinion -- I'm not (yet) sold on the plot.? But I was sold on the hook of face blindness from the first reading.? Even though I believe it's a story hook that may be challenging for a logline reader to swallow and digest.?
Plot issues aside,? I suggest you consider polishing the logline in two respects: 1] The ideal word length for a logline is 25 words.? Your latest iteration is 39 words long.? ?2] The story hook should either lead off or be the? concluding "button" or punch phrase .? In this iteration, the story hook --face blindness -- is buried n the middle.
>>> I like the idea that the face blindness causes/represents a deeper moral flaw, e.g. misanthropy or callousness.
Which is the chicken, which is the egg?? Does the face blindness cause his callousness -- or does it enable it?
fwiw
I would try to shorten this logline. I'll give it a shot. See what you feel!
