A woman whose mother was murdered when she was a child of twelve, is now, fifteen years later, working as a detective and still pursuing her mother’s killer, who, it turns out, is closer than she thinks.

i am just going to take the liberty: ?"when a detective receives a mysterious phone call, she dives back in the cold case of her's mother's murder."

Then shoot for a target maximum length of 30. While not the ideal, it's tolerable, permissible.

I think you have a concept for an interesting story, particularly the psychological impact off his discovery at a vulnerable age. He may be a geek, intellectually advanced for his years, but emotionally he's still only a 10-year old boy. In the gap therein lies an interesting subjective story line to complement and deepen the main story line.

Then shoot for a target maximum length of 30. While not the ideal, it's tolerable, permissible.

I think you have a concept for an interesting story, particularly the psychological impact off his discovery at a vulnerable age. He may be a geek, intellectually advanced for his years, but emotionally he's still only a 10-year old boy. In the gap therein lies an interesting subjective story line to complement and deepen the main story line.

Thanks for the feedback.
It sounds like my story is just too complicated to be laid out in 25 or so words.

>>This is the inciting incident for her to look for the murderer of the current victim,

But why wouldn't she investigate the current murder anyway even if none of the clues matched? Isn't that her job -- to solve murders?

If she's the sole homicide detective in the department, then it's her job to investigate any murder that happens -- she has no choice. And if she's one of several homicide detectives, her supervisor would assign the case -- that's SOP-- so again she would have no choice.

However, if she asks for the case to be re-assigned to her after realizing the coincidence of circumstances, then it might qualify as the inciting incident. And the coincidence would add psychological overtones as she has to revisit the traumatic memories of her mother's murder. Especially if she witnessed her mother's murder. Did she witness her mother's murder?

>>This is the inciting incident for her to look for the murderer of the current victim,

But why wouldn't she investigate the current murder anyway even if none of the clues matched? Isn't that her job -- to solve murders?

If she's the sole homicide detective in the department, then it's her job to investigate any murder that happens -- she has no choice. And if she's one of several homicide detectives, her supervisor would assign the case -- that's SOP-- so again she would have no choice.

However, if she asks for the case to be re-assigned to her after realizing the coincidence of circumstances, then it might qualify as the inciting incident. And the coincidence would add psychological overtones as she has to revisit the traumatic memories of her mother's murder. Especially if she witnessed her mother's murder. Did she witness her mother's murder?

"...the inciting incident for her to look for the murderer of the current victim, who also murdered her mother..."

I personally find the mother's murder far more interesting and compelling as an inciting incident than finding new and similar clues.

Ask yourself this; what would matter most for the MC, her mother or a stranger? I promise you that the sudden and unexpected death of a parent is by far one of the more significant events in a young person's life.

When you pin this event up as the backdrop to finding new and similar clues in a modern crime scene the later comes across as weak.

More so the psychology involved in the subject matter would make it conceivable that this is not the first time the MC "chooses" to see similarities between her mother's murder and another person's.

It begs the question; Is there a genuine connection between the two murders or are her personal feelings influencing her judgment?
I'm not saying this is the case but because of the circumstances there is an element of doubt.

Good inciting incident leave no doubt and propel the character to take action.

It is more difficult to be specific than I realized.

My intention for the inciting incident was at the point where the detective suddenly realizes that the clues in her investigation of the murder today are IDENTICAL to those found at the scene of her mother's death 20 years earlier. This is the inciting incident for her to look for the murderer of the current victim, who also murdered her mother, it raised the stakes, makes the story more unique, and it starts the story.

The problem with the mother's murder as the inciting incident is that it happens off screen and years before most of the story takes place.

Unless this is changed to make the story follow the daughter from the mother's murder, through police academy to promotion as a detective and finally to the one clue that sets off her renewed chase. The impact and therefore motivation from the murder will be lost on the audience.

This epic journey could be cut down with either a prologue or montage but not sure that would have the same effect. Or make the mother's murder happen much closer to the time of the story after the daughter became a detective.

As previously suggested a choice needs to be made; if the goal is to catch the killer then the timing of the murder needs to change or the scope of the story needs to change.

Or this:

When a fledgling criminologist finds clues at a murder scene strikingly similar to those when her mother was murdered 20 years earlier, she broadens her investigation to catch the double killer before he gets her too.

Specific details?
High stakes?
Clear cause and effect relationship?
One compelling goal?

How about this then?

A fledgling criminologist finds unique clues at a murder scene strikingly similar to those when her mother was murdered 20 years earlier, causing her to pursue and catch the double killer

The similarity is the inciting incident. The problem for me is that the actual story line... pursuit and capture..... is standard stuff for a pursuit genre thriller. i.e. boring and predictable.

My tendency is to want to end with a hook to make it more interesting.

What I think everyone is trying to say is, "What is the movie about?". You have given us the background, but what are series of events driven by her desires and what is standing in her way?

Fifteen years after her mother's murder, a detective continues to pursue the killer, she is torn between revenge and fear of the truth when evidence leads to her family".

I don't know your story, but you see where I am headed.