A young aspiring musician discovers that the English language reveals a conspiracy, which he utilizes to make himself a star. He learns the rich and famous are given strange powers for their so called accomplishments.

LOGLINE UPDATE #3:

A hip-hop musician contends in a friendly competition between celebrities, over who will collect eight billion fans first and gain enough supernatural power to bring death to every one of their followers.

Is it a black comedy?

I'd suggest the following, shorter:

"Uncovering a conspiracy hidden within the English language, a young musician becomes a star and enters the rich and famous' secret battle for power over the fate of the world's largest fanbase."

Lempicka asks good questions and Richiev's version seems to clarify.? But I'm not sure how many people will lay out $15 for a ticket to watch a protagonist pursue an utterly selfish goal. Is that all that's at stake, his own glory, his own ego gratification?? Am I missing something?

Just saying and asking.

Lempicka asks good questions and Richiev's version seems to clarify.? But I'm not sure how many people will lay out $15 for a ticket to watch a protagonist pursue an utterly selfish goal. Is that all that's at stake, his own glory, his own ego gratification?? Am I missing something?

Just saying and asking.

"When he discovers the English language hides a secret which gives those who discover it, power; a young musician uses that power to compete for fame and fortune against the others who have discovered the game."

I think this is stronger, but there's still an issue with the timing - if he discovers the conspiracy, then presumably it takes a while for him to become a star? In essence, where does the film start? Is he a star already or has he just discovered the conspiracy, or is he just about to discover it? All three of those are different stories, with different stakes.

The second part of the logline is better as we now see the antagonistic force (the other celebrities), but what are the stakes? I wasn't sure what 'fate of the world's largest fanbase' means - it sounds like the world's largest fanbase is threatened with death. Also, the stakes should belong to the protagonist, not the fanbase, or others. In what way does he compete with celebrities?

UPDATED LOGLINE (2):

A young musician discovers that the English language reveals a conspiracy, which he utilizes to make himself a star. He competes with other celebrities, vying for power over the fate of the world's largest fanbase.

A young aspiring musician discovers that the English language reveals a conspiracy, which he utilizes to make himself a star. He learns the rich and famous are given strange powers for their so called accomplishments.

I think the first part of the logline works better as you're setting up the protagonist and the inciting incident (although it's not clear what the conspiracy is - and does the English language *reveal* the conspiracy or is the conspiracy *contained* in the English language?). I don't think you need 'aspiring' - 'young' covers it. The fact that he uses the conspiracy to become a star sounds like the set up of the story - or is him becoming a star the goal of the protagonist? (I would assume the latter, as discovering a conspiracy, then using it to become a star sounds like an entire story in itself, not a set up).

If becoming a star is the goal, then you need to make that clearer, and show how the antagonist is preventing it. At the moment, the second sentence of the logline seems unrelated to the first as it just sketches in a bit more about the world - but it doesn't explain the strange powers. Is this the same power / conspiracy he/she uses to become a star?

UPDATED LOGLINE (1):

Utilizing a conspiracy found in all languages, there are words inside of words, celebrities are made famous. All of them yearn to become the richest and most influential, and achieve the title of Chosen Decider.