Categories: SciFi
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LOGLINE UPDATE #3:
A hip-hop musician contends in a friendly competition between celebrities, over who will collect eight billion fans first and gain enough supernatural power to bring death to every one of their followers.
Is it a black comedy?
I'd suggest the following, shorter:
"Uncovering a conspiracy hidden within the English language, a young musician becomes a star and enters the rich and famous' secret battle for power over the fate of the world's largest fanbase."
Lempicka asks good questions and Richiev's version seems to clarify.? But I'm not sure how many people will lay out $15 for a ticket to watch a protagonist pursue an utterly selfish goal. Is that all that's at stake, his own glory, his own ego gratification?? Am I missing something?
Just saying and asking.
Lempicka asks good questions and Richiev's version seems to clarify.? But I'm not sure how many people will lay out $15 for a ticket to watch a protagonist pursue an utterly selfish goal. Is that all that's at stake, his own glory, his own ego gratification?? Am I missing something?
Just saying and asking.
"When he discovers the English language hides a secret which gives those who discover it, power; a young musician uses that power to compete for fame and fortune against the others who have discovered the game."
A young musician discovers that the English language reveals a conspiracy, which he utilizes to make himself a star. He competes with other celebrities, vying for power over the fate of the world's largest fanbase.
I think this is stronger, but there's still an issue with the timing - if he discovers the conspiracy, then presumably it takes a while for him to become a star? In essence, where does the film start? Is he a star already or has he just discovered the conspiracy, or is he just about to discover it? All three of those are different stories, with different stakes.
The second part of the logline is better as we now see the antagonistic force (the other celebrities), but what are the stakes? I wasn't sure what 'fate of the world's largest fanbase' means - it sounds like the world's largest fanbase is threatened with death. Also, the stakes should belong to the protagonist, not the fanbase, or others. In what way does he compete with celebrities?
