After a heart attack on his highschool graduation, an obese mama’s boy sets off to lose a hundred pounds before starting college, in the hopes of getting laid and avoiding an early grave.

To me, the ?pursue girls? of your new logline is still a bit anti-climactic. ?It's too close to (but not even as specific as) ?get laid?.

Maybe there is already a specific girl? ?Maybe his trainer is a girl and the B-story? ?Not that they have to end up together, but maybe he can help her see the inner beauty in her own personal life. ?His love story could be hinted at as the warm fuzzy promise of things to come right at the end?

Originally your logline read as a Porky's style flick (god that ages me! LOL), but your response above suggests a deeper message delivered with humour.

Why is he a mama's boy? ?How could that relationship shape his story? ?Is it because (as Nir suggested) his father died (of a heart attack?) and she's wrapped him in cotton wool? ?Is it because she's remarrying and she wants him to be able to walk her down the aisle?

The concept is really growing on me as I've not come across a story where such a young MC has a heart attack at a mile-stone event? I can see a film opening on that inciting incident and being hooked to find out how the hell did this happen and where is this kid's life going to go from here.

UPDATED LOGLINE

After suffering a heart attack, a mama's boy sets off to lose a hundred pounds before getting into college in order to save his life and pursue girls.

Tjmohr:

Okay, 50 lbs is more realistic if your time frame is between graduation and going off to college.

(To meet even that goal he will have take up exercise.? A lot exercise to burn off calories.? Which will have the collateral effect of improving his cardiac readouts, make him fit enough to handle the "stress" of having sex.)

If you're going to use the dead father trope, then his father should have also died of a heart attack -- foreshadowing, the vulnerability? runs in his gene pool.? (Which is true. Medical conditions like having high cholesterol does tend to run in families.)

And I like the fact while his ostensible objective goal is to improve his health, live longer, his secret objective goal -- the really juicy carrot dangling in front of him that keeps him motivated -- is his desire to get laid. That's what guys are fantasizing about nearly 24/7 at that time in their lives.? And it's a comedy, folks. So why not ?

Anyway, good luck with this story.

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