Forced into a rural witness protection location, a five star city chef meets someone who teaches how to cook, using simple, humble, ingredients, and love.

Categories:

More details Hide

Al Dente

6 reviews

Former member · Singularity · 114,968 pts

Hi,

Your logline will read better without all of the commas, which are unnecessary, and I've added a word here and there.

"Forced into a rural witness protection location, a five star city chef meets someone who teaches him how to cook using humble ingredients and love"

I presume this is a romance? Or I might be wrong. Whatever the genre I'd suggest alluding to it by throwing another character into the logline.

e.g.

A five star city chef meets an elderly Italian man who...
A five star city chef meets a beautiful local cafe owner who...

What follows who is important. Teaching someone to cook with humble ingredients isn't really like changing. I'm guessing there's more to it. It might be worth being more blatant in showing the reader what the objective goal of the story is. The fact that you've used the word humble suggests that the journey for the chef will be one of grounding. Maybe your chef has an ego that needs to be curbed. If so, make it apparent in the logline so we can see where your story will lead us.

Good luck.

Nicholas Andrew Halls · Mentor · 8,970 pts

What has forced your character into witness protection?
What is the journey of a 5 star chef learning to cook? Isn't he already an AMAZING cook?
Once he is in witness protection, what is your character's goal?

ASU Maduro · Penpusher · 170 pts

After entering witness protection, his cover is blown due to his popularity as a country cook. Must fight after the mob finds him out.

Michael Corleone goes to Italy, but I'm telling the chef's perspective, after witnessing the murder.

dogger · Singularity · 87,055 pts

But didn't he already stand up for what is right? Isn't that what got him in the witness protection program? You don't get into the witness protection program unless you are willing to stand up for what is right and testify, unless you have stood up for what is right and testified.

[And the plot of "The Godfather" isn't: A man must hide out in Italy after avenging the attempted murder of his mobster father where he falls in love with peasant girl.]

ASU Maduro · Penpusher · 170 pts

While in a rural location under witness protection from the mob, a five star chef is introduced to cooking with simple, humble ingredients, and love. Only then, is he willing to stand up for what is right.

*After Michael Corleone kills Sollozzo and Cpt. McClusky in his restaurant*

dogger · Singularity · 87,055 pts

And then what?

What's the dramatic problem? Who's the antagonist? What's at stake? The logline suggests a plot that collapses in the second act like a bad souffle.