Categories: Public
Battle in Seattle
New logline:Four average-joe teenage boys join a secret anti-terrorist association. Now they must fight against terrorism plots on the streets of Seattle from a pernicious terrorist and his nefarious army of agents before it's too late.
Yes, that's what I was trying to say. But you Richiev has good advice too.
You should also give a one (or two word) description of the teens to let us know why they would be recruited. For example: "Four teen-age hackers join a secret anti-terrorist unit..."
Just saying teen doesn't tell us anything about who they are.
Also, What's the bad guy planning, that they must stop?
Adding those two Elements will help your logline.
Hope that helped, good luck with this!
In exchange for not being prosecuted for hacking into the NSA, a teenage geek has 10 days to hack the encrypted email of terrorists bent on repeating 911.
In exchange for not being prosecuted for hacking into the NSA, a teenage geek has 10 days to hack the encrypted email of terrorists bent on repeating 911.
Would it be better if it just had the first part of the first sentence, and then leave the rest as it is?
"After recruited by a secret government agency, a teenage genius is assigned to capture a deadly terrorist bent on destroying the space needle."
Your logline is a bit long, but then the second half of the first sentence is superfluous. The name anti-terrorist association already tells me what they do.
Hi, two things... (1) Anti-terrorist associations obviously "hunt down terrorists for a living" -- lose it. (2) You seem to be explaining too much. The idea of a log line is short and gripping so, lose some of the words and make it tighter. What do you think of this...
" Four fifteen year old boys join a secret anti-terrorist association, hoping to protect the streets of Seattle from a pernicious terrorist and his army...?
All the best.
