“Massachusetts, 1692: The leader of a coven must convince a Puritan minister to work with her to find and stop a powerful and cunning excommunicated sorceress whom she suspects is secretly behind the Salem Witch Trials.”

Dho1115:

Well.? Based on your comments, there are a number of issues I think you need to sort out.? First,? I suggest you have to decide who your protagonist is, the leader of the coven, or the refugee from the Puritan community?? If it's the latter, then the logline needs to re-framed around her.

Now? then, about your original logline which tags the leader as the protagonist.? What is her objective goal?? Taking it at face value, the logline? says that her objective goal is to persuade the minister to work with her.? Is that what the entire 2nd Act is taken up with -- her arguing, pleading with, cajoling the minister into cooperating?

Or is her objective goal to find and decommission the sorceress?? And getting the minister to cooperate as an ally is a means to that end?

I assume her objective goal is to find and decommission the sorceress.? Therefore, the logline should cut out the middle man , the minister, and? cut to the chase, focus on the sorceress.

fwiw

Dho1115:

Well.? Based on your comments, there are a number of issues I think you need to sort out.? First,? I suggest you have to decide who your protagonist is, the leader of the coven, or the refugee from the Puritan community?? If it's the latter, then the logline needs to re-framed around her.

Now? then, about your original logline which tags the leader as the protagonist.? What is her objective goal?? Taking it at face value, the logline? says that her objective goal is to persuade the minister to work with her.? Is that what the entire 2nd Act is taken up with -- her arguing, pleading with, cajoling the minister into cooperating?

Or is her objective goal to find and decommission the sorceress?? And getting the minister to cooperate as an ally is a means to that end?

I assume her objective goal is to find and decommission the sorceress.? Therefore, the logline should cut out the middle man , the minister, and? cut to the chase, focus on the sorceress.

fwiw

This logline is confusing - concept and wording.

If the premise is based on the assumption that there are witches in reality, it no longer relates to the Salem Witch Trials. This needs to be set in a different environment as the story would be about the authorities killing Witch not persecuting them - a real witch would presumably be able to use her magic to avoid capture or escape the trial so they would kill on sight.