Categories: Coming of Age
People don't usually go a long journey to disprove something they believe in. It ain't natural as they say. They would simply live in denial until someone or something made them see things differently.
That was exactly my issue with what I wrote.
To clarify, are you suggesting the boys venture to prove the landing is a hoax, but perhaps the 'twist' is that it turns out to be real? Something along the lines of:
When an alien vessel arrives on Earth, two devout boy's race to disprove the landing as a hoax, only to discover their orthodox worldview may not be as accurate as they believed.
I still don't get why the landing is perilous to film?
People don't usually go a long journey to disprove something they believe in. It ain't natural as they say. They would simply live in denial until someone or something made them see things differently.
Just because aliens land doesn't mean the whole everything in life gets turned upside down. That would be sad if it does.
So, what's the message of your story? Faith's are challenged daily, are they disproving an alien hoax before they leave? That would be a real goal within the struggle.
Thanks heaps Foxtrot, i've been trying to be parsimonious with the logline and reduce it to the basics, but - as I am sure you know - when you revise and think about it repeatedly, it can become a blur. Your prompt was exactly what I needed I think!
I quickly threw this together, the problem I fear this revisions creates is?why the 'devout' boys are compelled to take this journey...
When an alien vessel arrives on Earth, two devout boys challenge their faith with a perilous journey to film the landing and (impugn/falsify) their theocratic commune.
Reads much better, Nindif. It still feels as though you are trying to stuff too much into a single log. I think lose the specifics and focus on the general.
When an alien vessel arrives on Earth, two devout boys challenge their faith with a journey of _____.
Now, what is their journey that will fill the 3 acts? What is the real mission that must be resolved before the final curtain? I hope there is one.
Thanks for the guidance dpg, its certainly helping clarify the concept for me. Is a singular hook prominent in?this revision (Trying to focus on the boys journey: inciting incident, flawed character, goal)?
When an alien vessel arrives on earth, two devout boys are undeniably drawn across the wasteland to falsify their strictly religious commune after all media coverage is censored.
?
?
>>>The overarching conflict is the physical journey to witness the aliens, followed by the conflict between the boys faith and their religious upbringing, followed (in the background) by the conflict between humankind and its disagreements about what the arrival means.
IMHO, ?the story is trying to juggle too many balls. ??Which single one is the story hook?
Also the nature of the religion of the commune is unclear. ?What do ?you mean by "orthodox"? ?Orthodox ?in the context of Judaism, orthodox in the context of Eastern Christianity (Greek, Russian, Syrian)? ?Or...?
>>>The overarching conflict is the physical journey to witness the aliens, followed by the conflict between the boys faith and their religious upbringing, followed (in the background) by the conflict between humankind and its disagreements about what the arrival means.
IMHO, ?the story is trying to juggle too many balls. ??Which single one is the story hook?
Also the nature of the religion of the commune is unclear. ?What do ?you mean by "orthodox"? ?Orthodox ?in the context of Judaism, orthodox in the context of Eastern Christianity (Greek, Russian, Syrian)? ?Or...?
I would say I am more interested in exploring the teens interpersonal conflict of faith incited by the arrival of aliens rather than exploring humankind at large because I feel like that is a story which has been done before (Contact, Close Encounters, Arrival etc).
The challenges they face within the microcosm of their journey are a metaphor for humankind.
The overarching conflict is the physical journey to witness the aliens, followed by the conflict between the boys faith and their religious upbringing, followed (in the background) by the conflict between humankind and its disagreements about what the arrival means.
Re-Draft 1?(Aliens not mentioned)
With their orthodox commune debating an apocalyptic fate, two rebellious boys embroil their indoctrinated friend in a perilous journey across the machine zone to falsify their faith and save their families.
Re-Draft 2 (Aliens mentioned)
As humankind grapples with the unprecedented arrival of an alien craft, two rebellious boys embroil their indoctrinated friend in a perilous journey across the machine zone to meet the vessel and save their strictly religious families from an apocalyptic fate.
Is the logline improving or am I just reorganizing the same adjectives and verbs?
Foxtrot25 was concerned with the lack of focus on the aliens themselves, do you think there is adequate conflict elsewhere in the logline to warrant investigation?
Wouldn't any contact by aliens constitute a conflict with the religious teaching that humans are created in the image of God and enjoy a unique, an exceptional status in the grand scheme of things? ?IOW: ?wouldn't ?that create a greater conflict between faith and reality than any conflict the teens would encounter between the religious precepts they have been taught and the way the world really operates?
So what is the single, overarching conflict that constitutes the throughline of the plot?
Wouldn't any contact by aliens constitute a conflict with the religious teaching that humans are created in the image of God and enjoy a unique, an exceptional status in the grand scheme of things? ?IOW: ?wouldn't ?that create a greater conflict between faith and reality than any conflict the teens would encounter between the religious precepts they have been taught and the way the world really operates?
So what is the single, overarching conflict that constitutes the throughline of the plot?
@Richiev, dpg and Foxtrot25, your feedback is much appreciated.
To falsify their strictly religious commune, two rebellious boys embroil their orthodox friend in traversing beyond the security of their commune and through the desolate zone to the unprecedented arrival of an alien vessel.
(I have expanded upon the concept below, but if that is needed then?there must be something missing from the logline itself).
The way I envision the concept is more focused on the conflict between the boy's faith and the harshness of their world. This is set to the backdrop of humankind encountering an analogous conflict between our fanciful ideas of first contact?and reality.
As Foxtrot25 suggested, kind of like the film 'Contact' perceived through the eyes of 3 adolescent kids from strictly religious communities.
I kind of get this premise a la the movie Contact with Jodie Foster, however, as per the above advice, I agree -- this logline needs to be re-organized. What I fear is a mistake, is to not examine the actual contact with new life, but rather your decision to skip it altogether.
