When a 17 year old’s father is imprisoned she must outwit cops and criminals to get him out, whilst fooling social services into believing she can raise a previously estranged 11 year old brother.

Thanks guys. I've changed it up. And it definitely has a strong comedic twist. But Nir, I know you hate the word 'dramedy'...Lol, so I'm too scared to use it. ?Anyway (tee hee) here is a different, but correct, spin.

"Determined to gain custody of her estranged little brother, a hopeless young woman enlists her imprisoned father's nutso employees to fool Social Services into thinking she's responsible."

Ahh the old "...outwit..." maneuver...

What does "...outwit..." mean in practical terms? It's these details that will make your character's story interesting.

How will she break him out? That's your hook. There must be a cool and interesting way for to achieve this goal or else the premise lacks credibility and originality - there have been many prison break films and shows over the years, this would have to stand out to get made.

I agree with the Dkpough's structural assessment of the logline; to wit, that it proposes 2 objective goals instead of 1. ?Plots should be driven by one ?over arching objective goal. ?Which is it in this case? ?To free her father or outwit social services?

And if her primary objective goal is to free her father, does he deserve to be freed? ?(This revised version of your earlier idea doesn't say his incarceration is undeserved.) Is that an objective a film audience will want to see her attain?

That said, I think there is a potentially compelling story about a teenager struggling to keep her family together and raise her brother after her father is incarcerated. ?But that doesn't seem to be the primary story you want to tell.

fwiw