Categories: Public
Orion’s Flight
My version, obviously speculating on several story points:
"When a rogue commander takes over the Confederation's central space station, the station's headstrong architect must use the station's "secrets" to try and distract the commander's troops while also rescuing their captives, including her disabled husband."
Thanks guys, all interesting points.
Ive already planned and written over half of it so i dont think ill be making any of these extremely drastic changes that youve suggested. But they're all still good to have on the back for any re-writes that may (will) come a little later.
I think the main thing i have to concentrate on is to capitlize as much as possible on the idea that she has 'insider' knowledge on the space station, power that she can (and does) use to her advantage. Useing this to foil the bad guys as much as possible
I mean kept quiet, not kept quit.
Perhaps the leader of the eco-terrorist isn't that noble. He and the owner of the space station (Donald Trump on steroids) had a deal about getting rid of the garbage illegally but the terrorist feels the owner hasn't given him his proper cut. (But his terrorist lackey's are in the dark and are "for the cause")
The husband is the owner's right hand man, he even helped his wife get the job of designing the station.
He knew what was going on but kept quit because he wants advancement in the company, now their son's in danger. This will be a big reveal at some point in the story.
So the fathers 'sin' of 'looking the other way' has opened the door for their son's predicament.
>>> ... a sin
Good point. At least, as perceived by the Terrorists. They must believe they have a just cause, a good reason for their action. And if the protagonist is "headstrong" than she's blinded herself to the moral/environmental/whatever transgression.
>>> ... a sin
Good point. At least, as perceived by the Terrorists. They must believe they have a just cause, a good reason for their action. And if the protagonist is "headstrong" than she's blinded herself to the moral/environmental/whatever transgression.
If you wanted the son on the space station how about this for a logline:
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"When her sons class is kidnapped while on a space station she designed, a head strong architect has two hours infiltrate the station and save them, before the Eco-Terrorists begin killing prisoners."
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Just a thought.
Remember, when you do a "Monster in the house" movie. There must be a monster (Terrorist) a house (Space station) and Sin
Perhaps the owner of the space station is dumping his garbage in an illegal way and the Eco-Terrorist's claims are true.
The hero will make the terrorist go 'splat' as long as they have her son. But perhaps there is a hidden bad guy as well.
"The headstrong architect of an advanced space station must abandon it to terrorists when she learns they have also kidnapped her disabled husband."
Thanks guys.
You both bring up some interesting points. I think my main problem is that that third act takes place off the station and back on Earth. I may have to think about changing this. Or if not, give her a stronger goal while on the station rather than just trying to escape.
And Nichols, I think like the logline that you've given me. It is far more succinct.
"When terrorists take over a space station, its headstrong architect must force an escape when she discovers that they've also kidnapped her disabled husband back on Earth"
I agree with Richiev insofar as it sounds like the most compelling version of this story is for the architect to remain and defeat the terrorists, as opposed to fleeing to find her husband. If you want the stakes to be her husband's life, it feels like you should find a away to get him on the station as well. (Die Hard in space, I guess, with a gender reversal thrown in).
Your logline contains two inciting incidents; terrorists take over a space station, and terrorists kidnap the protagonist's husband. As a result, the logline feels bloated, and the goal is muddied. Whatever the MAJOR goal ends up being will determine what the "setup" needs to be.
Also, you've included many words that are just unnecessary, and slow the logline down. You could trim it to:
"When terrorists take over a space station, a headstrong architect must escape and return to earth to rescue her kidnapped, disabled husband."
When you trim it down to that, it certainly highlights the concern that Richiev has mentioned.
Make sure to show her 'talent' early in the film.
Maybe she is doing repairs (or an inspection) and opens a hatch the crew doesn't know about. She tells them "The space station is full of these little crawl spaces if you know where to look"
Of course when the space station is taken by the terrorist she will use this special 'talent' to thwart the bad guys.
Anyway, I think you have a good idea. (A little like lockout but with a much different lead character)
Hey Richiev,
That kind of is what happens hah. She doesnt manage to escape until the end of the second Act. This is after she tries to escape and avoid the terrorists while also hindering their plans.
Becuase I wanted to put her main goal in the logline (rescuing her husband) I couldnt figure out how to put all this in the logline without it coming out too long and confused?
thanks for your input though
