When a rookie martial artist’s first covert target is to eliminate innocent children, she refuses to complete the mission and must fight the deadly forces tracking them down and find the truth of their identities.

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4 reviews

Richiev · Singularity · 58,825 pts ★ Accepted

I don't know all the details; like why the children are targeted or who the lead character works for, so your logline will be different, however as an example how about something like this:

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"When she refuses an order to kill the children of her organizations enemies, a Yakuza Assassin must now save the very children she had been ordered to eliminate."

Former member · Singularity · 114,965 pts

Yqwertz is on the mark.

A logline has to suspend disbelief.? A logline reader doesn't have to know how it all makes sense, but he has to be willing to go along with the "what if..?" premise.? But I, too, am unable to suspend disbelief that a villain would intentionally want to kill innocent children.? Not without knowing for what motivates him (like he's a rabid Hitlerian racist).? But no motivation is given.

And if I knew the villain's motivation, I don't understand why he would recruit an unproven rookie to do a job that requires the services of? tried and tested, hard-hearted, vicious veteran.

And as noted, the stated objective goal lacks closure, is off the mark.? Finding out who the bad guys are is only a step toward the objective goal, a means to her desired end.? Which is?

dogger · Singularity · 87,055 pts

Yqwertz is on the mark.

A logline has to suspend disbelief.? A logline reader doesn't have to know how it all makes sense, but he has to be willing to go along with the "what if..?" premise.? But I, too, am unable to suspend disbelief that a villain would intentionally want to kill innocent children.? Not without knowing for what motivates him (like he's a rabid Hitlerian racist).? But no motivation is given.

And if I knew the villain's motivation, I don't understand why he would recruit an unproven rookie to do a job that requires the services of? tried and tested, hard-hearted, vicious veteran.

And as noted, the stated objective goal lacks closure, is off the mark.? Finding out who the bad guys are is only a step toward the objective goal, a means to her desired end.? Which is?