When a teenager loots methamphetamine from a crime scene, he must sell to it to pay for his dads failing business before the owner, a psychopathic cop, hunts him down.

Testing view

Hello, try to include an adjective to characterize the main character (its flaw maybe?). Try to make it clear that the policeman is after the drug and not involved in the family business.

A timid , street-stupid?teenager struggles to sell meth lifted?from a crime scene to raise enough money to save his father from imminent bankruptcy.
(24 words)

Timid and street-stupid = character flaw; he lacks the right stuff, the?audacity and street-smarts to engage in any illicit behavior, let alone drug dealing. ( As?did Walter White initially.? This story line?seems to be a juvenile version of "Breaking Bad" -- to which it's going to be inevitably compared.?? Just saying.)

Imminent:? to convey a ?sense of urgency.? Suggest a ticking clock; say, teen has to sell the meth in 48 hours, over the weekend, before?his father is forced to file for bankruptcy when courts open on ?Monday morning.

This logline departs from the normative structure of placing the inciting incident first and explicitly so.? It's implied in his motivation given at the end of the sentence,, to save his father from bankruptcy.? And it's an implied inciting incident.? What incites him to lift the meth? is his father's imminent bankruptcy, isn't it?

That the man holding the loan or lease for the business is a cop is a complication for the story just as having a brother-in-law who is a DEA agent was a complication in the story of Walter White, but not essential to the logline.

Finally, the way I see it, a wrinkle I see in the story that will take an ingenious 3rd Act to resolve is that selling it before the psycho-cop catches him doesn't end the teenager's problem.? The cop could still be following the trail of evidence left by the? inept teen's clumsy drug dealing even after the teen has sold it all, given his father the money.?

Which then raises the question in the cop's mind (and his father whom I assume is law-abiding):? where did the teen get all this money so quickly? From?a?part-time ?job at the local car wash? :-)

fwiw