? When a distraught chemist evades culpability for killing her overbearing boss during a heated argument, she must fend off a psychotic blackmailer’s escalating demands.

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Former member · Singularity · 114,965 pts

yqwertz:

Thanks for the further clarifications.

>> bent on destroying her.
But is that really his intention? Based upon the further details you provided, he seems bent on exploiting her skills as a chemist to cook meth.

And now that I know that she's a chemist, it seems to me that is a crucial bit of information that needs to be in the logline. She needs to be defined as such. Because that he would demand she cook meth only makes sense if she's got chemistry chops.

Frankly, I think that his blackmailing her by demanding sexual favors is more than enough reason for her to want to kill him.? What I think would be more interesting is a logline and plot that focuses on? the chemistry that develops between the two characters rather than any chemistry in a meth lab.

But it's your story.

dogger · Singularity · 87,055 pts

yqwertz:

Thanks for the further clarifications.

>> bent on destroying her.
But is that really his intention? Based upon the further details you provided, he seems bent on exploiting her skills as a chemist to cook meth.

And now that I know that she's a chemist, it seems to me that is a crucial bit of information that needs to be in the logline. She needs to be defined as such. Because that he would demand she cook meth only makes sense if she's got chemistry chops.

Frankly, I think that his blackmailing her by demanding sexual favors is more than enough reason for her to want to kill him.? What I think would be more interesting is a logline and plot that focuses on? the chemistry that develops between the two characters rather than any chemistry in a meth lab.

But it's your story.

Former member · Singularity · 114,965 pts

Let me see if I can unpack the premise as I understand it:

After accidentally killing her boss in a heated argument, the sole eyewitness blackmails her with demands for sexual favors.

So far, so good.? Not for the character, but for the premise and logline in that the form of blackmail is specific.

BUT,? if I understand your logline correctly, the demands for sexual favors are not enough to incite her to plot his death.? Only after his blackmail demands escalate to demands that she perform "criminal acts", does she decide she must kill him.? Well, there is no mention of "criminal acts' in the latest version of the logline.? Further, "criminal acts" is vague -- it can mean anything from shoplifting to murder.? Exactly what kind of "criminal acts" triggers her decision and action to kill him?

Finally, I get the sense that the demands for "criminal acts" constitute the MPR, the midpoint reversal of her plot trajectory.? Reversal in that she finally reverses roles from being? his passive victim? to becoming his proactive adversary? -- she stops taking it, uh, literally lying down? and starts fighting back.? That's okay, it's street legal to include an MPR in a logline (as I did recently for a logline for the movie "Allied") but I just want to be sure that is how you intend to map out the plot.