by Carter Breaux · Logliner · 160 pts
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how about this:A high school senior must choose between the girl of his dreams and social acceptance after he gets involved in the sabotage of a rival school's prom.
how about this:A high school senior must choose between the girl of his dreams and social acceptance after he gets involved in the sabotage of a rival school's prom.
When a teenager is recruited to participate in a cruel high school prank, he must choose between the girl he loves and the "in group" he so desperately wants to join.
For the purpose of a logline, I don't think who the other conspirators matters as much as their status and his desire to gain their acceptance; they constitute the "in group" at school and he desperately wants to join.
Also, for the purpose of a logline, I think it matters more that the prank is malicious than that it is "unorthodox". (Prima facie, why would the girl, why would anyone be offended by an act that is "unorthodox"? Doesn't the offense arise from the ethical nature and intent of the prank: it's irresponsible and dangerous and malicious?)
When a teenager is recruited to participate in a cruel high school prank, he must choose between the girl he loves and the "in group" he so desperately wants to join.
For the purpose of a logline, I don't think who the other conspirators matters as much as their status and his desire to gain their acceptance; they constitute the "in group" at school and he desperately wants to join.
Also, for the purpose of a logline, I think it matters more that the prank is malicious than that it is "unorthodox". (Prima facie, why would the girl, why would anyone be offended by an act that is "unorthodox"? Doesn't the offense arise from the ethical nature and intent of the prank: it's irresponsible and dangerous and malicious?)
A high school senior must choose between the girl of his dreams and social acceptance after he involves himself in the unorthodox sabotage of a rival school's prom set in motion by a Prep, a Drugee, a playboy, and a billionaire's son.
Helps state the conflict?
Behavioral motivation can be overdetermined -- in real life it often is. But for the purposes of the logline, where brevity is a requirement, you have to decide what goal is the most important, the one on which all the others depend.
Would your character be happy and content if he only fulfilled or exceed his writing assignment -- got the coveted "A"? I'm guessing the answer is no. If that is the case, then it's merely the trigger motivation for the inciting incident.
So that leaves the act of sabotage, peer acceptance and getting the girl. Having peer acceptance is a really big deal at that age. So is getting the girl. Maybe he thinks he can have it all. But what if he can't?
What if he discovers during the course of the story that he can win peer acceptance or he can win the girl -- but he can't win both? What if he can only win the girl by not going along with the sabotage because she's a decent, principled person? Indeed, what if he must sabotage their sabotage forfeiting all hope of peer acceptance if he is to have any hope of winning her love?
In other words, trap him on the horns of a dilemma.
fwiw.
Behavioral motivation can be overdetermined -- in real life it often is. But for the purposes of the logline, where brevity is a requirement, you have to decide what goal is the most important, the one on which all the others depend.
Would your character be happy and content if he only fulfilled or exceed his writing assignment -- got the coveted "A"? I'm guessing the answer is no. If that is the case, then it's merely the trigger motivation for the inciting incident.
So that leaves the act of sabotage, peer acceptance and getting the girl. Having peer acceptance is a really big deal at that age. So is getting the girl. Maybe he thinks he can have it all. But what if he can't?
What if he discovers during the course of the story that he can win peer acceptance or he can win the girl -- but he can't win both? What if he can only win the girl by not going along with the sabotage because she's a decent, principled person? Indeed, what if he must sabotage their sabotage forfeiting all hope of peer acceptance if he is to have any hope of winning her love?
In other words, trap him on the horns of a dilemma.
fwiw.
What I'm having trouble explaining in the logline is:
Originally he is motivated by a lack of inspiration for a school writing assignment, But his motivation is shifted when he discovers the lead antagonist is dating a pass love of his who now attends this rival school.
So his motivations are: Successfully sabotaged the rival school, exceed in his writing assignment, Win back the girl, and finally find acceptance among his peers.
Thanks for the help!
Could the motivation be stronger? Such as the kid is an envious outsider desperate to do whatever it takes to become an insider, an accepted member of the reigning school clique so he has enough social status to impress/win the heart of a girl. That's something more viewers can identify with. Some teens may want to become writers; all teens want to belong to a social group and get the girl (or boy).
Could the motivation be stronger? Such as the kid is an envious outsider desperate to do whatever it takes to become an insider, an accepted member of the reigning school clique so he has enough social status to impress/win the heart of a girl. That's something more viewers can identify with. Some teens may want to become writers; all teens want to belong to a social group and get the girl (or boy).
There is possibility here but you need to up the stakes and clarify the goals.
Think of the original 'Wall Street' for structure guidance.
An ambitious but naive college journalist seeking his first breakthrough story gets promised the story of a lifetime if he participates in an epic prank that will humiliate a hated professor... etc etc
While seeking inspiration for his writing, a high school senior involves himself in the unorthodox sabotage of a rival school's prom, set in motion by a Prep, a Drugee, a playboy, and a billionaire's son.
